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I am a photographer/writer, but above all I am a learner, always looking for ideas to improve my life and betterment of my family. Family comes first for me. Meditation is my favorite topic to talk about. I believe everyone should develop in mathematical discussions because without knowing math, you can not have a very good life. Math is every where.
“Rohit, Rohit…, where are you? Where are you Rohit, come quickly, wear your clothes”. His father, Mohan called out several times, but Rohit did not show up. Rohit was just 2 years old. It was 6:30pm, the sun had just set. People were getting ready with candles and kerosine oil lanterns. It is a backward Indian village and people still don't have electricity running. This summer the village just got the electricity poles erected, however villagers were still waiting for the electricity to come to their houses. One day Rohit‘s mother decided to pull the electricity wire from the Newly-erected power lines pole to connect to a bulb in her house. Unfortunately the electricity was flowing through at that very moment. Electric shock caused the immediate death of Kamla. Another big disaster happened when Rohit followed his mother, who was lying dead on the ground, holding the naked wire in her hand. Rohit touched her and died immediately too. It was a small, close knit village. Everyone knew everyone.The whole village was weeping at the sight. Sadly no one could go through greater agony than the three daughters, Kamla left behind her. The whole family was mourning the death of Kamla and Rohit. The youngest daughter was just 3 years old. She did not even understand what had happened to her mother. People tried to console her, but everything went in vain. Life still has to keep going on. Slowly the other daughters learnt to live without their mother except the little daughter Chandi. Finally Mohan decided to re-marry a woman named Hira, so that kids can grow up with a female figure, who will at least try to love them as her daughters. Hira was a kind and beautiful woman. Hira loved all the kids with her whole heart as her own kids. So far so good, until one day the reality unfurled and she found out that her husband already had a vasectomy. She was in disbelief as to what cruel game god has played with her. She felt cheated and angry for the terrible injustice.The frustration started coming out at kids in the beginning, and eventually it became obvious that step mothers can never love as your own mother. This was just the thin end of the wedge. Bigger problem was somewhere else. Perhaps it was the agony of not bearing her own kids. Hira felt her life was ruined, she wanted to see her own flesh and blood. Nonetheless her motherly instinct was very strong. She wanted to have her own kids, but she wanted to love her step kids too, just the way she loved them before. Very soon it became a domestic gossip in the village as to how unfair Mohan is to Hira. People started accusing him of committing a crime for not being honest before he married Hira. In the meantime kids were oblivious to the emotional roller coaster Hira was going through. Kids took Hira's anger as a temporary adjustment to her new life. Mohan felt guilty for causing this pain to Hira. He soon realized that Hira will never forgive him, and his kids will live without a mother's love again. Sadly, what is done cant be changed. In villages divorce is not an option. Well, Hira was very bitter, and if one believes in restorative justice, this is it. She was entitled to “Her Female Body” and have her own kids. She felt deprived and Mohan was guilty in her eyes. Ironically in-spite of everything, Hira loved Mohan a lot. At the same time she did not want to be a mean mother to her step kids. With all these emotions, Hira became the perfect picture of what it says “repression breeds sublimation”. A moment of tranquility set in. Hira started to look at the bright side of her life. On one hand her step kids may not be her own, on the other hand she got such beautiful daughters; all grown up, without any pain.The daughters, who love her so much that they even forgot their own mother now. She thought that with everything that has happened to her, she can either feel sorry for herself or treat what has happened as a gift. She accepted her step kids with all her heart and never wanted to separate from them. Hira realized that the word “Maa” has no boundaries, no discrimination, it is the purest of all, the word which her daughters call her. Hira found a new dimension of her life and felt, “the wheel turns and turns and turns: it never stops and stands still.” She will always love these kids as her own flesh and blood from now. This incident happened long back in 1988 in a village in India where I lived as a child. But the memories still haunt me even now. Whenever I see a charging cable or a wire hanging from the electric outlet, I get scared. So many years have passed but the memory is etched so deeply in my heart and brain, that I never let my daughters go near the electric outlets. On one hand science and technology can be so useful to humankind, on the other hand a small mistake can ruin everything. This is the evidence right here and I always keep this in my mind.
I did not speak a word of english until I turned 10 years old.That too, I started with basic english sentences such as: "This is a boy, This is an apple, I love apples, This is a cat, This is a dog, A dog has a tail.” These were very basic english sentences. English was not my primary language but when I came to America, I was an adult. By this time I had learnt to communicate in basic english language, but any time I had to express something complicated, I would fumble or become silent. People are very forgiving in the U.S. They always helped, tried their best to not let me feel embarrassed. I concluded that there is no short-cut to solve this problem. I learnt that writing will help me improve my english language learning. I started writing more . Very soon I started to love writing. I was able to express myself and my thoughts in my writing. Writing turned out to pay off a lot. When I wrote, I had enough time to process my thoughts and express them on the paper. I still had a very thick accent. Accents tell you which country you are born in. Beyond country and region, accent also tells us a lot about which social class a person grew up in, their level of education.This can represent a strong bond. I consciously started working on improving my accent.It was my conscious choice to shift my accent towards American english. I wanted to be in the position, where I travel from one end of America to another end, and pass the accent test with as little sniffs as possible. Along the journey of correcting my American accent, I used to listen to the radio a lot. When I am cooking, cleaning, exercising, the radio is always on. Over a few months, I realized that I have improved a lot. I was passively grasping a lot of understanding in dialogue delivery. I can now communicate in a more colloquial way. The more I listened to the podcast, the more I would find flaws in my english speaking skills. I figured, what I was doing was not enough. In the meantime, every now and then I would get that disapproving look because of my accent. I still did not have the neutral American accent, and it caused unhappiness inside my heart. I wanted to sound obvious, so people could recognize me without an effort. I was lagging, but I was still not disheartened. My next strategy was to repeat after the radio hosts. Word by word; sentence by sentence. It was very tiring. I wanted to be the same way as I was. I wanted to just chill and relax without worrying , “what will people think?” Every night in the dark it felt so gloomy and depressing, but thankfully every morning, I would have my confidence back. After 10 months of continuous repetition and practice, it started to show the result. I felt more confident speaking to people.The fear and thought that someone is judging me became less everyday. Now I don't have trouble ordering food in restaurants. I can order exactly what I want. Every now and then I would have the classic set-backs. Accents are a point of connection, and connecting to people was very important to me. Not only me, but all of us are constantly influenced by the people we are surrounded with and that extends to accents too -- any Indian who has moved to America will hear from their own people that they have gone very stylish in their accent, even though they would themselves do the same thing. Even though it happens subconsciously when you intend to change your accent, I have not found anything this difficult to change on purpose. Some Days I have good learning experiences and some days are very bad. I still remember a story where I went to order a salad plate, and I wanted to add Ranch dressing, but I was not clear enough because of my accent. The waiter was too hesitant to ask me again and I realized that I am not saying it right.I finally got the dressing which I did not want, because the waiter had to guess and add something else. When I was in public talking to my friends, I would not hesitate accepting my thick accent flaw, and I would humbly ask them to correct me with the right pronunciation. Most of the time, someone would take super interest in correcting me, but at times I would also get that “look”. However I never mind constructive criticism but for sure these set-backs take you 2 steps backward, I had to remind myself, “I am learning, Mistake is a part of learning.” Now I am at the point, where people rarely guess what I just said. I never gave up. The fact that I was able to master something this hard, makes me proud of myself. I always remind myself, “if I can conquer this challenge, I can win any challenge in life.” I know, mentally it is more taxing to listen to someone with a foreign accent. People had to listen to me more closely to catch the underlying change in tones and stress. I still listen to podcasts and radio channels to constantly improve myself. Un-learning the accent or language you grew up with, is plain "hard", but now I believe you can do it.