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My name is Angelica O'Neil, I am a 21 year old female from Ottawa Ontario. I work as a bartender in multiple establishments around the city, and I'm in love with the freedom this job offers me; for now anyways. I love adventuring, I work 60+ hour weeks so that I can explore and disappear to other places as often as I want. I've had an unfortunate upbringing and I'm just trying to make the best of a lot I have no control over. I only write when I have something to say that I think matters, but I've never found an outlet to share this work, and now I think I have. I am an amateur writer in the strongest sense of the term, but I'm hoping that I can connect with people who might be going through similar life experiences as I am. Let's see!
I look in the mirror every day, and I look more and more like my mother. What's sad about that is my mother doesn't even look like herself anymore. I am a reflection of the person my mother should have been. Instead of choosing her life she chose her addictions, she chose alcohol and repeatedly chose drugs. It feels like the worst thing in the world, mourning a loss of someone who is still alive. No matter how hard you try, you can not change the person they have become, and ultimately find yourself giving up. You finally give up because while they're flying over you with their delusional happiness, you're drowning of sadness and regret of the things you could've tried, or the things you may have been able to change. The fact I've realized is that there's nothing you could've done, and there's nothing you can do. These people have chosen this life, they've chosen to be selfish, and they don't care if you drown because they are not the same people who you once knew. So don't. You don't need to follow the same path as your parents, so many people I know like to use that as an excuse. " My parents were drug users, my parents were alcoholics, it runs in the family, I'm not to blame here, it runs in the family", they are choosing to be weak, and take no responsibility for their actions. You do not have to be weak, you have the strength to be someone different you just have to choose that for yourself. Choose every morning to get out of bed. Choose every morning to go to work, to make something of yourself, to explore the life that was given to you. Don't blame someone else for putting you on the path to addiction if you're not even going to try and do anything to fight everyone that's pushing you to fall in the wrong direction. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Whenever you're feeling like you can't fight your roots, think of everyone in your life that you're bringing down with you. Your kids, your siblings, your aunt and uncle. Be better, try harder. You deserve a future that hasn't been designed by the people who created you. You don't deserve to drown anymore. Things I remind myself every time I look in the mirror.