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My name is Kayla Armstrong I am 17 years old. I am a poet and love writing and sharing my story!
My Words Are My Powers
Apr 06, 2018 6 years agoMy name is Kayla Armstrong and I grew up in a home where it was just my mother and not my father. I grew up with a lot of hate and anger but kept it all inside. My mother had me at the age of 22 and it was only her and I up until now. My childhood was amazing, adventurous, and happy. By the time I was 12 my mother met someone, someone who made her laugh, smile, and was always loving to her. They married later on and I was happy for my mother because we had a family and I finally had a father figure. By 15 my mother had gotten pregnant and I was excited to be a big sister, but our home collapsed and my mother's happy marriage turned into something different and there was no love anymore between my stepfather and mother because of his affairs. Not long after I became a victim of rape. By age 15 1/2 my stepfather molested me and threatened me with different things to keep me from saying anything. I was a different person and not the "Kayla” I used to be. I was a freshman in high school and wasn't able to live my life because of something I thought was my fault. I lived in silence and I became silent. My reasons for not saying anything was because I was scared that my mom wouldn't believe me, my sister would grow up and think I caused it, I didn't want anyone to think there was something mentally wrong with me just because of it, and I didn't want to be killed for saying something. By age 16 my mom divorced my stepfather because of the affairs and lies my stepfather told her. I was still silent and I was living in guilt. I couldn't have boyfriends because of being scared that they would do something to me and I couldn't trust anyone at all. My appearance changed as well and I went from wearing shorts to wearing sweats and baggy clothes all the time. I never wanted to be with a guy alone in an elevator or anywhere because I was scared that they would do something to me. Throughout the two years of being violated, I was having nightmares. My nightmares caused me to stay up all night. By age 16 1/2 I told my mother what happened to me and all the things my stepfather did to me and I felt free because immediately she took my side. The next morning we went to the police station and I felt scared at the same time because I didn't want him to come after me. My mother also put me in therapy which helped me to become stronger because I learned it wasn't my fault and he was the one with problems, not me. Throughout the process of the investigation, I was diagnosed with sleep paralysis and PTSD along with also finding out that I may not be able to have children in the future because of the damage my stepfather did. Over the course of my healing, I started doing outreach to young girls who went through the same things as me. I now mentor young girls from ages 7-14 years old to help them heal from the terrible things that happened to them and help them become a better person. My stepfather did horrible and unspeakable things to me, but at the same time, it was a blessing afterward because I became wiser and stronger and never realized that girls in my own neighborhood and even girls who sit next to me are going through the same things I went through. I overcame two long miserable years and used that to help make myself stronger, wiser, beautiful spiritually, mentally and physically, and more intelligent. I was able to become my own person again and wear what I wanted to wear and be a new "Kayla" without caring what others thought of me. Not only that but my mother and I became stronger and our bond can never be broken because she has been by my side my whole life. My little sister and I also have a great relationship and she loves me and looks up to me and I know in my heart our relationship will be strong as well. I am now 17 years old and junior in high school. I am in a beautiful and strong relationship with a young man I can trust my life with and who accepts me for my flaws and scars and helps me become a better person every day and I am also a mentor and inspire young girls to speak up and teach them that they have power as well. Today in 2018 my stepfather has a trial coming up and no matter if I get justice or not I already got justice because I became more powerful and stronger than him with my words and I am free from any guilt and fear that I used to have.
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