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I am a wife and mother, I enjoy writing poetry, short stories, and books. I am currently in college to obtain my associates in Medical Billing and Coding. I am a big dreamer and I want to shoot past the stars.
The simplicity of the blank canvas… So pure, so innocent, ready to be drawn on in beautiful hues. One thiusand ideas, yet one full painting will be drawn by the time the last spot of white is filled with a beautiful shade stroked onto the canvas with strong emotions of the artist. I remember a time when I was untouched by the cold colors of a dark world… A time of childhood fantasies filled with pastel pinks and bright blues. Letting vibrant greens touch the white canvas to give a perfect contrast between the dainty colors. The idea was to create a bright and beautiful canvas that radiated innocence. And yet, the world had other plans… As I imagined the beautiful portrait, other minds had ideas of what the image on my canvas should be. As I prepared my station, I turned to view my perfect work, only to see streaks of grey. As I stared closely, I could see words stained into the paper. Permanent. I knew even if I covered it, the words would always be there. I knew the canvas would never be perfect again, but I still had to salvage the portrait. A fire lit within me and I knew darker colors would cover the harsh words that filled the canvas. I decided to introduce dark, rich shades of red. I mixed colors to deepen the red, feeling a Fury building within me that I had never felt before. As I turned again tofill my easel, i turned back to see spots of black on my canvas. Upon closer inspection, I noticed burns on my canvas. Tainted. Someone abused my work and stained it with words that bruised me to the core. The deliberate need to tear my perfect image sent me back to the idea board. Dark shades of blue should cover the black stains. And if it doesn't, it will make it almost unrecognizable. So with a heavy heart, I painted dark shades of blue, letting my heavy heart drain onto the canvas. The beautifully bright hues that filled my canvas were now scarce. Dark colors filled the canvas over visibly stained words and burns. Beautiful pastel butterflies were now dark tear stained drops of paint covering the horrid words that bruised my heart and destroyed my mind. I lost sight of the bigger picture. Now I meticulously pick at every small imperfection to try to salvage the beauty that was once there. Gone. The innocent beauty was replaced with betrayal, lies, pain, and anguish. The art was imperfectly filled with words that tore a wound into my heart and drained my mind from the dainty thoughts that filled my soul with contentment. My mind was now filled with darkness and my soul was filled with despair. The happiness I once felt was now a bitter memory that seemed as though it was the light down an endless tunnel. So I let the dark colors drown my innocent pastels and drowned in the dark, cold colors in an effort to pull myself out of the endless pit of cruel, bone chilling darkness. Who knew that words could stain my soul?
\\"I'll go anywhere you want me to...\\" I remember starting into your big, brown eyes. You used to smile at me and jokingly ask me what I was looking at. I knew I was staring at one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. You towered over me and as you pulled me close, your fragrance sent my senses into overdrive. I was drawn to your beauty. Your touch sent electricity through my body as you stared lovingly into my spirit. I knew that it wasn't love yet, but you made me feel as though paradise was a person. Being with you was like breathing— so easy. The thing about danger... Sometimes, it can be right in front of you and you can't see it until it's too late. You saw my vulnerability slip though the cracks of the wall I meticulously built and you shattered the nick in the wall exposing every part of me. You used your charms and your beauty to hide the monster that lurked in your darkness. And I fell hard and fast on the idea of who you were. The ground shattered my soul as I fell to reality. I realized then that my heart would never have been the same again. I sat for months letting my heart bleed the pain you caused. I was left craving the pull and push of your love while you chased the happiness you longed for. I always thought drugs and alcohol caused addiction. But nothing in this world prepared me for the addiction that is you.
It was a normal day, nothing out of the ordinary. The sun was shining and I could hear laughter echo the hallways. I remember laughing as I walked in the room only to have the breath leave my body when I laid eyes on you. In a traditional sense, you didn't look like the other people I had laid eyes on. Still, without even knowing your name, I was drawn to your beauty. You radiated an innocence I wanted to wrap myself in. Nobody else in the room existed-- until I heard the person sitting romantically close to you laugh heartily. Oh, how I wanted to be that person at that moment. I had to know, so I asked the person standing next to me "who is that?" My heart did a somersault when I was told that they were nothing but a friend to you. I thought then that you were the one for me-- and I was right. With you, I learned that love shines a light so bright, it is powerful enough to break chains in the darkest abyss. You showed me that I was the key to releasing myself from a mental prison. That I could love without guilt, without falter, without losing my heart. You took care of the wounds deep down within me and showed me that scars can be beautiful. You took barren land and grew a beautiful rainbow of hope. What was once black was now a tint of rose that shone on my heart. And for that, until the day I become nothing more than dust, I will forever be grateful to be blessed by the imprint in my life with your name on it.