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Miss J Diaries

Author/Writer

Abuja, Nigeria

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I have been in love with writing since forever. Its my personal space where I am free put down all my feelings and emotions on paper.

My favorite things in the world are a pen and a book because it comforts me when am down and doesn't judge me while i vent it all out.

I also love to inspire people by writing quotes that reflects the joys and struggles of life especially from personal experiences.

I have written two Ebooks and more are in progress.

I am loving and caring in nature and I am very passionate about writing.

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4 YEARS OF HORROR LIVING A TOXIC LIFE

Mar 16, 2021 8 months ago

4 YEARS OF HORROR LIVING A TOXIC LIFE It was still a mystery how something good turned so sour in just a few years. It felt almost like a switch was flipped off and his humanity was automatically turned off, turning him into a monster of the worst kind. How had I endured all of this for so long?? I felt drained and exhausted from constantly checking my actions to avoid any flaws or mistakes that would unleash the demon in him. Being mentally frustrated was not enough to explain how dehumanized I felt; I was practically scared of my own skin and was always wired to bolt from the slightest scare. How could a man drag a woman's pride in the mud, destroy her self esteem, brutalise her personality and still expected her to love him completely ?? What a toxic world I lived in. My name is Neni and I was trapped for four years of my student life. 2015 *** Stepping into my biology class for the first time felt good because it meant I was grown up enough to handle my life and take care of myself. I have been set free from the shackles of my parents and I had the world at my feet and the heavens just above my head. In my euphoric state I was ecstatic and crazy enough to think if I just reached out my hand I could touch the heavens above and make my wishes come true. More like my worst fears came to life. Meeting Simon was not as dramatic as first love's seem to emphasize. He was my lab partner during computer class and we sort of bonded over trivial discussion while I admired how beautifully created he was. He was very funny, goofy, knew how to charm a woman and make her swoon,very persuasive in a romantic way and was as considerate as any first year student could be. We made time to see each other outside of classes which proved difficult because of our different time tables, class schedules, hostel rules and everything beyond but we tried as much as we could to hang out during games in the evenings. He asked me to be his girlfriend on matriculation day and I gleefully accepted with all my immature heart fluttering and goosebumps lining up my arms which sent chills down my spine, making me feel I had found my missing rib. Four year down the line and it still remained the worst decision of my entire adult life. 2016 *** "Simon, have you seen my ATM card"?, I can't find it anywhere. I lamented bitterly because I needed to use the money my parents sent to me to pay off my school debts. "Yes babe" I have it with me and I need to use some of the money to clear up some stuff I got tangled in, he replied casually. What!! Exactly what are you talking about?? How can you even say such a thing. Please hand over my card I said with my hands outstretched. The vibration from the slap I received gave me nosebleeds and I literally fell to the floor. "Don't you ever question my decisions in this relationship ever again" he yelled and stomped out. I sat down on the cold tiled floor in my shorts and bloodstained white tank top feeling like a hammered drunk, dazed and too useless to move. Ladies and Gentlemen, that was the beginning of many more scary abuses to come. I was currently leaving with simon because we couldn't bear to be apart from each other even for a minute and he didn't want the restrictions the hostel presented so I partially moved in with him in my second year. I remember how loving and caring he was during our first year together, how he lavished me with tenderness and love. He holistically adored the ground on which I walked and worshipped at my feet. He loved my body like it was his, he adored every part of me, reverenced my core, bowed before my gates, asked permission before taking charge and took me on a ride of ecstasy and over the edge with a mastery that only he could perfect. We understood each other perfectly well, we didn't envy others and were content with everything we had until he wasn't. Simon became more cranky, lost interest in school, pilfered some money here and there, made excuses for his absences and spent all his time in the gambling den. The days he didn't win were the worst of them all. Full Story Here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/o04shq93hkaftha/4%20YEARS%20OF%20HORROR%20LIVING%20A%20TOXIC%20LIFE.docx?dl=0

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I met a lady who shook hands with death and survived to tell the tale of her horror in the hands of a group of highway robbers. She narrowly escaped the afterlife with just scars to show for her near death experience. As she narrated her story which transpired when she was travelling to another state for her sister's wedding ceremony happening that weekend, I felt intrigued by her statement "At The Point Of Death, Nothing Else Matters". It made no sense to me why she would have such utterance on her lips, there are a lot of things that should run through our minds and hearts at such critical points in our lives but she insisted that it wasn't true and just a fictitious lie we tell ourselves to help us feel like we are not selfish not to care about everything we are living behind. She and others who were her co-occupants in the bus ran for 3 hours straight in a forest that was unknown to them. They were barefoot, their skin and clothes torn by sharp forest plants, their breathing raggard but low, making them speak in whispers and taking short breaths, least their assailants may hear them. She stood up and limped to the wash basin where she was to rinse the relaxer off her hair and I could feel the extent of the pain she was in but also her gratitude that she was alive to feel pain instead of lifeless in a coffin preparing for the journey of six feet and beyond. With a sigh, she kept narrating to the stylist and everyone who cared to listen to what happened next. They eventually arrived at a village after exiting the bushes and the villages gave them water to quench their thirst and seats to rest their exhausted bodies. When asked by the villagers what happened to them and why they were so many in the bushes, the only male who still had his shoes on because it was a sneakers volunteered to explain to them. They had gotten to a particular location that divided the two states and had met a slight hold up as buses weren't moving forward.  Since they had to change lanes because of an accident that occured on the highway the night before, they were travelling on a  narrow path that will lead them safely out of the accident zone and connect them to the nearest route to continue their journey, they didn't anticipate any incident and weren't prepared for the assault.  Their saving grace was the quick thinking of the driver when he noticed that all the buses were empty and slammed on the brakes. He raised the alarm for everyone to alight and the sneakers guy who happened to be sitting close to the doors, pushed it open and everyone came down hurriedly. Noticing that their plan of attack may soon fail, the robbers jumped out of the bushes with cutlasses and guns and clubs ready to mutilate and kill as well as instill terror and pain on their unsuspecting victims. Immediately the ruckus started, everyone took off for their dear life amidst screams and sounds of scattered feets everywhere. That was when she tore her skin against a tree branch but barely noticed as she ran for dear life. Sighing very deeply, she told the stylist and her friends that she never once thought about her family, friends, work, money or fiancee because her whole being was channeled towards connecting with her maker on a personal level. She said, it was at the point where she thought her life was over that she knew nothing else mattered except herself and her maker. Even on the run, when death was staring at her in the face and she was unsure if she would even make it till nightfall, she was very sure that she owed those final moments to her supreme maker. In her word's "Forget all of these things we watch and preach to ourselves about how our last days will be because when the time comes, you will see and feel no one but his Almighty presence surrounding you". She didn't die that day and has the scars on her body and in her mind to remind her of it but she swears that the encounter radically changed her mindset. What bothers me is how true this is.. Being human means we have ties to this world, our families, friends, partners, businesses and vocations that we feel highly attached to and assume that we would be spared one last moment with all of them before we leave this earth. Unfortunately we are ultimately selfish during our last moment, seeking reconciliation and peace with the supreme being, asking for mercy and forgiveness upon our eering souls and praying to be granted eternal rest. In the end, nothing else matters but You and Your Maker.

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TWISTS AND THORNS

Feb 15, 2021 9 months ago

Smiling with one  knee on the ground, his elbows resting on his legs with his hands outstretched, showing the whole world gathered in this small diner the diamond engagement ring glistering in the bright light before mouthing those four words. "Will You Marry Me Mabel" he confessed. Absolute shock ran straight from the top of my head to the tip of my toes making me rooted to the spot with my mouth hanging open in the most unladylike manner. I am completely blank and thrown off guard by his question that he must have taken my silence as part of  the euphoria that comes with such an important question, so he pushed some more. "Mabel, Please Say Yes" Mark's voice pierced through the fog covering my mind snapping me out of that state of silence. I looked down into the depths of those soft black eyes that had captivated my heart from the first moment I met him, pulling me in unconsciously and holding me prisoner even till this day two years later and I saw undying love, devotion, trust and happiness, all playing in a loop as he  stared at me waiting for an answer and the whole room faded away leaving just me and him. My heart bleed for the evil I was about to commit to a man who did nothing wrong but love me unconditionally for who I was. A man who took great care of me in my worst days and was my rock and pillar when I needed it. He was my Knight in shining armor, a shoulder when I needed comfort and a soldier when I needed rescue. Being my safe haven will be the understatement of the year, he was a man with a heart of gold and I was about to burn down his world to ashes. The first tear dropped… Springing to his feet, He immediately enveloped me in his arms and cocooned me with his warmth while the reassuring strokes of his fingers moving up and down my back made me calm. "Shush Honey, I didn't mean to overwhelm you with all of this" he crooned softly in my ears which sounded like a lullaby. The time felt right and I want to spend every waking moment of my life with you wrapped in my arms.  I am so sorry for springing this on you, I just wanted today to be special and memorable as it would signal the start of our new life together. You are the light of my life Mabel and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. The dam I had been restraining all night overflowed and spilled out… FULL FOLDER HERE.... https://www.dropbox.com/s/lqm3ckkk8rlpdya/TWISTS%20AND%20THORNS.docx?dl=0

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A VISIT TO THE PUB

Jan 27, 2021 10 months ago

The rave at the Pub was intoxicating and freaky mixed with the sweet fragrance of booze and whiffs of smoke high in the air. The room was dimly lit with only a swirling club light filling the room with multicolored spots as it rotated back and forth on the ceiling. I saw lots of bodies tangled together in closed spaces as the music blasted from the speakers placed right behind me at the back end of the booth. There was a twinkle of bright light as a young waitress lifted a bottle of an expensive drink, wearing the skimpiest shorts I had ever seen, heading towards my direction. The bottle was carefully placed on our table in front of a very thick man whose eyes were fixed on the full ample breast of the waitress that was nearly popping out of her skin tight top.  The lights were removed from the bottle and I saw the fine Jack Daniels scotch sitting proudly on the table alongside Ice cubes and shot glasses. She turned to leave but was stalled by the man who stuck his hands out to stop her. He placed folded naira notes into her back pocket while he gently squeezed her backside. She giggled and left the booth while I turned away to avoid appearing like a newbie. My head snaps up when the sharp smell of cigarettes hits my nose with a force that made me nearly gag. I do not like cigarettes, so I was totally turned off when I saw a full pack of Benson on the table. I signed up for it by being here, so I will endure. Going out was never my strong suit, so when I finally shook off the girlish shyness for such places and brazenly decided to visit the nearest one closest to me, I knew it would be a hell of an experience because I saw firsthand what went down in such places and most importantly I had fun and let loose. Obviously, I did because I am writing about it. The sitting arrangement at the club was kind of weird because there were only large cushion chairs placed side by side around the room, so the center looked like an open dance floor while the spectators sat and watched. This made me uncomfortable because I sat close to a lot of people I did not know and frankly, no one cared, so I relaxed a bit. My bottle of Smirnoff Ice was opened and halfway empty when some group of girls suddenly got up and started dancing. The lady with the shimmering black halter neck, bare back short gown caught my attention. She was the definition of a seductress. The lights bounced off her dress adding to her allure and I couldn't help but stare at her. She was gently moving to the rhythm of the song blasting from the speakers, twirling and shaking her body and waist to the beat. The other guys were focused on her as well because she was simply captivating and she worked her magic on the whole room while we watched. The song changed and just like that she switched up her tempo and started twerking. As much I loved to watch people dance, I knew I could not dance to save my life if there was ever a situation like that. I was born with two left feet that couldn't interpret any moves I had lined up expertly in my head. So I watched others dance and subtly moved my body from left to right with my head bubbling up and down to the beat of the music. . . Full Read https://www.dropbox.com/s/i3o1rmf7jlwsqy8/A%20VISIT%20TO%20THE%20PUB.docx?dl=0

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SHE NAMED ME THE CULPRIT

Jan 13, 2021 10 months ago

I have been locked in a cell for days now, feeling dirty, unkempt and itchy. My hairs are sticking out everywhere on my head showing signs of neglect for the past five days. There is no mirror around this disgusting place to take a look at myself but the horrific reflection staring back at me from the window panes is one I will never forget. My eyes have lost its sparkle of light and innocence, looking forlorn and bleak without a ray of hope as the reality of being behind bars sink in everyday. There are dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep not because I am scared I will get strangled in my sleep or worse of, molested by these scary looking cellmates of mine but from going through the events that led up to this point over and over again in my head to understand what went wrong. I no longer smile, that's for sure, my heart is too heavily laden with burden and uncertainties to feel any bubble of joy or happiness that will resonate into a smile or laughter because this place has a way of taking all that away from you including your dignity and self worth. I am ashamed to be seen like this but I refuse to cry, I am not going to be seen as weak and feeble. I won't break down in front of all these people who troop in everyday to ask me questions and probe me a million times. I will be strong for myself, my parents and Franklin the love of my life. The tears threatened to spill forward as I think about Franklin, my eyes unconsciously stray to my ring finger where the lady warden took my two weeks engagement ring off my fingers as part of the search routine of an inmate. I am supposed to be planning a wedding not preparing for a trial of a manslaughter I did not commit. I couldn't look him in the eye the last time he came to see me because I know the hurt, disappointment and heartbreak I would find in its depth will be heart crushing and my heart pounds every time I think about what the future holds for us as an intending couple, if we would survive this or simply part ways for good asides which I believe death will be my solace if I remain here and endure the stench of this place for much longer. The warden's voice filters through the cell blocks as she shoves another inmate into her cell,the grating and nerve wracking sound of the cell doors closing jars me back to the day my arrest was made. The call from Linda came in at 6:15pm on a Friday night while I was lying down on my sitting room sofa, happily daydreaming about my recent engagement to the best man in the whole world. Linda and I are only friends because of my inability to get drunk and my strict beliefs about chastity. I picked my buzzing phone as her name flashes across my screen and I groan inwardly knowing it's going to be her yapping about another gig she has and wants me to ride shotgun with her as usual. "Hello Linda, what's up" I say to her as I slide the receive button. "Hi Grace, I have a party organized for tomorrow by 8:00pm and I need you as my plus one for safety" she gushes in one breath and I forget myself and make some silly noises I knew she would hear. "Please Grace" she continues, the gathering is for the elite and my baby is going to be there, the pay is very fat and you know the deal is 10% if you agree. I brush her aside knowing fully well that "baby" meant her latest sugar daddy.  "How much are we talking here?" I asked, curious to know and she blew me away by saying two hundred thousand naira is my ten percent if I ride with her. I happily agreed to be her escort to the party the next day largely because I have been doing it for a while now notwithstanding the fee. Linda is one of those girls you tag a call girl. She is not the regular ones you see on the street all night looking for their next client. She is among the top girls who have their own exclusive client list, run errands for big shots in the country, go on trips as companions, organize exclusive parties for their seedy events and get heavily paid for it. Linda is a perfect picture of what we tag a big girl. She is filthy rich, using the latest gadgets, driving the latest 2019 model car, has houses in six happening states and lives a luxurious life. One thing that is common with all these parties is the tendency for something to go wrong and the police swooping in and picking up everyone involved except the affluent men who would be carted away before the ruckus goes sideways.  Linda hates the word "Police Station '', she regularly affirms that the police is not her friend therefore the need to be as far away from them as possible. She is a heavy drinker and smokes everything which makes her cranky, bitchy and often end up in fights with other ladies especially those who fix their sight on her latest catch. That's where I come in. Ride shotgun with her and be her Guardian Angel. https://www.dropbox.com/s/3xkccl0hc7bk3m7/SHE%20NAMED%20ME%20THE%20CULPRIT.docx?dl=0

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