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Don't Stop Rock With It!!! Awesome words spoken by the illustrious Uncle Luke. This last year I have been separated from my husband of over 20 years. We gave it a good run, however in the end our selfishness and stubbornness won and the marriage we didn't each put 100% in blew up. It blew up in a cloud of black smoke, that wafted mild violence, tears, hurt, betrayal and just plain old ugliness. Real stinky stuff. I now realize we were always doomed for failure. Why? Because although we had the best intentions and loved and even liked one another. We were mainly just using one another, attempting to achieve having the perfect Brady Bunch, Leave it to Beaver family facade we grew up watching on television. Our attempts to make our black children not the stereotypes so often associated with black folk and our attempt to be the best black parents ever took presidence over being the best husband and wife ever. Instead of building us. We built models for Boy and Girl Scouts. Instead of saving for our future. We spent money to live in homes outside our means, pay for soccer clubs and golf camps. So that our children would be in a greater position to prosper. Sometimes, mainly when I look at my children or when I look at other seemingly happy families, I miss what we had. What we wanted. What we needed. What we both longed for and went about achieving in all the wrong ways. But for the most part, and I do feel guilty about this. (lol guilty should be my middle name) I feel HAPPY. Guilty-Happy, but happy none-the-less. Guilty-Happy that I am at peace. Guilty-Happy that I love that it's just my 14-year old and I in our little house. Guilty-Happy that I don't have to answer to a man. Guilty-Happy that I can purchase my thrift store finds without getting the stink eye. Guilty-Happy that I got a promotion with a 25% raise. Guilty-Happy that I've met a guy who's my equal. Guilty happy that I am THRIVING AND NOT JUST SURVIVING. Yes, Indypendence!! Don't Stop Get It; Get!! Don't Stop; Rock With It!!
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