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Thank you COVID19 I want to shout and say with joy ,Covid 19 ,thank you. You gave me freedom. You ask yourself , can Covid 19 , a dangerous virus that has endangered the lives of thousands of people around the world , be released? Years ago , as a child , I witnessed a horrific scene of my father committing suicide. When my mother and I came home , we saw his body handing from the ceiling of the room. It was a very empowering scene for an 8 – year – old girl. After seeing this scene , my father's bruised and swollen face was constantly in front of my eyes and I was afraid of being alone. Less that two years after this horrific incident , my mother married a man who never wanted me to live at his house and with my mother. And I had to go to my grandparent's house and live with those who were old and sick. In the same year that I was in shock at my mother's marriage to my unkind stepfather , my grandfather suffered a heart attack in front of my eyes and died , and again I witnessed the horrifying scene of another death. These unfortunate eventa and upset my soul and I was constantly anxious and I was afraid of being alone at home and I felt that my death would come soon. I was suffering from severe depression , I was constantly thinking a bout death, every day when I worke up I thought it was the last day of my life. Most of the time , I was anxious and my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking and my mouth was dry , and they had to call the emergency room right away. When I was taken to the hospital in that mental , and physical condition , I was injected with a sedative a the hospital and I felt calm. I was happy to feel calm in the hospital and the hospital gradually became a safe and saving place for me , I thought I would be saved from death by going to the hospital. Years passed and my childhood and adolescence were spent with fear , anxiety and worry about death. And the only way I was comfortable was going to the hospital , the doctor , taking psychiatric medication and sometimes going to coffee shops and gyms with my friends. Until afew months ago it was announced on social media that a deadly virus called Covid 19 had entered the country and that it was very deadly and dangerous to catch it. Hearing the newa of the deaths of thousands of people around the world due to Covid 19 and home quarantine and , most importantly , the concerns about the polluted environment of hospitals,intensified my anxiety. As I could not easily go to the hospital and the doctor for treatment , or to go to restaurants and gyms with my friends, my stress and fear of being alone increased day by day. Finally,after four months of home quarantine travel restrictions and being away from friends,I thought to myself one night,when trips were canceled and educational centers,cinemas,theaters and concerts were closed,and not having empty ICU beds in the hospital and being away from friends and all kinds of fun,is like living on a deserted island far away from the rest of the world. But still on this deserted island away from the world,with a healthy mind and hope for life,you can continue to live. I regretted that for years I quarantined myself at home for fear of death and depression, and did not enjoy shopping and traveling on the weekends and thousands of other pleasures and entertainment in life. Many people,like me or other depressed patients,did not think about the fear of death day and night,but died of the Covid 19 virus,like apple blossoms falling from a tree. So no one and nothing can stop the death of human being,and death has nothing to do with ago,geography of life,or religion. Thinking and fearing death has no result other than depression and daily life,and depression can turn a strong and capable person into a weak and cowardly person. I decided to clear my mind of annoying thoughts and save myself from depression and get out of the quarantine in which my soul has been trapped for years. I no longer want to think about death. I want to enjoy every second of my life. Without anxiety and negative thoughts,you can live a beautiful and healthy life and fight Covid 19 and other diseases. Now my step are stronger,I feel calm and tasle deep in my heart. A smile on my face, even under the mask. Covid 19 made me open my eyes to the facts of life. Written by Marziyeh Farahbakhsh from Iran July 2020
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