So Much I Want To Say..But Don't.


I love to daydream the world away. I like my own world with my own characters that help me survive the realities of day to day. I choose to write rather than cry.


Standing In The Rain

Aug 17, 2019 4 years ago

The first few drops of rain were light, and as the breeze picked up and blew the dry leaves across the garden, the tree limbs began to sway slightly and the feel of the approaching storm was everywhere. The air changed to a heaviness that had been waited on with anticipation for weeks. As the drops turned to a continued drizzle and then heavy rain, Tom stood on the edge of the lawn and cried. He had been trying to hold in the pain but now that the sky had relented, he couldn't help but join in. The pain of losing Dash had numbed him for days but he had tried to be brave, he pretended that he was doing just fine and no, he didn't need to talk about it, thank you very much. Dash had been his best friend for 11 years. Tom couldn't remember life without his wet nose and droopy ears. The smell of his doggy breath was still in his dreams and when he woke to the reality of life without him, it was devastating. He had been brave for as long as he could. Standing in the rain now, Tom walked over to the little cross he had marked his grave with, and let himself feel the full pain of his broken heart. The waves of anguish flooded over him again and again. He missed him so much. Tom screamed out in a half yell, half cry for his friend. His best friend was gone.

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Life in a cup of Coffee.

Jul 18, 2019 4 years ago

URSULA I think that horrible girl should listen to me more. I know him better than she does, after all, she has JUST met him. Ursula's thoughts were obsessed with John and his new girlfriend Sophie. No matter what she did, she couldn't shake the feeling that this particular girl was trouble. She sunk her garden fork back into the soil with more force than before. ‘I know these bitchy types' she said out loud. She adjusted her hat with her free hand and wiped the sweat beads from her brow with her sleeve. It's going to be a hot one I think, better do this last row and call it a day. Midday was her usual finish time for gardening but maybe today she would give herself a few early minutes. I never see him anymore. All of a sudden he stopped calling and coming over. It MUST be her. Why else would he change so much? "That girl has just got to realise that this is MY family" she muttered to herself. "Mine". After a shower, I will give John a call and ask him over for dinner tonight. Just him though. He would love a home cooked meal. She smiled to herself, while absently nodding to her thoughts. Yes, yes, another chat to John should do it. "I don't think that you should listen to her about this John I really don't. She doesn't understand you at all. I can tell" Ursula had decided to give up the hints, as they didn't seem to be working, and just say it. “Ok look, yes she is a nice girl and all that, but I never see you anymore. You always used to ring me or come and see me once a week, and now … Nothing for weeks on end. Is there a problem?” Ursula was almost beside herself, standing with her hands on her hips in her kitchen, staring at him over the dishes from the meal they had just eaten. She was really annoyed now. “Why can't you see it John?” Her voice rising “She's trying to control you! She is no good for you and you are headed for disaster!” The last words were spoken as a shrill statement. JOHN John sat there without saying a word. He took a sip of his coffee and tried not to make a face. Weak as water he thought to himself. So that was why she had been saying for the last month or so that “every cup of coffee should be followed by two glasses of water”. Now he was having his coffee too strong for her liking and this was how she would solve it. More water and less coffee apparently. It tasted like dirty water. He made a mental note to decline the next cup of coffee she would offer him. I will drink coffee how I want to. Just like I will live my life he thought solemnly, how I want. No one is ever good enough for her. Even me. He thought about all the times she had criticised him and put him down if whatever he had been doing, was not to her liking. I am a grown man after all. SOPHIE I don't feel anything towards her now. Nothing at all, and that's just a shame, she thought. I used to be so frustrated with her interfering, but now; I feel nothing. She hoped it was a good thing. It had been 3 years since Ursula had disowned John. Her own son!. It felt like only yesterday in some ways. But it had also been the most pleasant 3 years of our marriage. Not one family drama. Not one! It didn't have to be this way she thought sadly, yet it was. It continued after we were married of course, the little manipulations and un-asked for advise. On how to raise our children, to financial hints. Nothing was off limits to her and she really seemed to think she had a right to give her opinions so freely in regards to our life. She would be seething underneath if John didn't take her direction on something. After the initial shock and pain had worn off, he seemed almost relieved at times that she was out of his life. The signs were always there, of course, but he told her he never thought that it would have come to this. Well it shouldn't have, more the point. But that was Ursula's choice. She made it and she enforced it. Sophie wasn't sure of the timeline, when the ultimatum had happened, but it HAD happened.' Her or me', were the words John said she used. She smiled to herself as she took an inward breath. How blessed I am to have a husband who puts his wife and children first. A rare man indeed. John had always been his own person. He did things in his own way and in his own time and probably always will. That was just his nature, quiet and a deep thinker.He had never been outspoken and Sophie loved him for it. His brother, Troy, had finally started to talk to John again – but the damage was done. He had never even asked for Johns' version of events. He believed every word fed to him. John had rolled his eyes when telling me that Troy phoned him the other day and said Ursula had spoken to him and asked ‘why she hadn't seen as much of Troy as she once had?' Was there a problem? Or is there someone stopping him from seeing his own Mother?" He was in a new relationship and seemed happy for the first time since his divorce 7 or 8 years ago. Poor Troy. He has a decision coming his way.

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Jul 18, 2019 4 years ago

The Beach I don't like the beach at all. Not even a little bit. I make no excuses and no apologies. So there. I hear it all the time. “Oooh let's go to the beach!! I need to hear the ocean waves crashing onto the shore”, or “Ooh lets' go swimming and sunbake and eat fish and chips on the sand.” And the ever popular, “The beach is so relaxing, it helps me to calm my thoughts and I can think clearly again.” Puh-leese. If it's hot, there is no shade and not a tree in sight. Unless it's a tropical island, in which case, good for you. The gentle breeze most people anticipate is, just wind that blows your hair and your belongings around, let's not forget the sand, into places that sand, was never meant to go. Sand. Ugh. The nature of sand means you cannot or should not wear shoes unless you want said shoes filled with it. You take them off only to give your feet third degree burns. So, you either; take off running full speed to get to the water to try to stop the burning OR do a ridiculous dance from one foot to the other until you manage to drop your towel or whatever you plan to sit or lay on (because no-one just SITS on the sand itself. I mean …duh) As far as I am concerned, there should be floor tiles or grass, all the way to the water. It would make for a more pleasant experience all around. As for the water itself, once you get to it, you never really know quite what it is, you are standing on. Or swimming in. Is it the sand moving underneath you? Seaweed? Jelly fish? Why was it suddenly warm, just … there? Shudder. Nope. Just don't.

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