The Life of the Forgotten, and the Phoenix "writing contest"

Life can get in the way, you can lose yourself in what seemed like “marriage” was just a travesty. Making everything about them and after years of being pushed down, submitting to what you thought was love. Love doesn't take you for granted, it doesn't make you feel inferior, or forgotten, with no human kindness. Losing yourself in a whirlwind of self-loathing, being unseen. Nothing to lose after you have lost everything, so long from the realization that this is not who and what you want to be. Broken, but not departed, desperate for your life that was lost, never forgotten. Nothing is more powerful than the words on your wedding day, “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.” Magical words, wanting to be apart of something special, powerful, partners, best friends, lovers for life. It was good for a while, but then things changed a little at first, but it began to gain momentum, faster and faster until you are looking at yourself in the mirror of your heart, of your soul and you don't recognize yourself. Words are powerful, they do not cut you, bruise you, make you bleed, but the scars are there and eventually, they break you down, make you submit. Then distrust comes billowing in like a hurricane. It comes in waves of anger, that is when your mear tears become oceans that flow through your eyes, your heart, draining you of every thought, every piece of happiness. But you still fight for your marriage, even though you know deep inside of yourself that he's the one that is dishonest, fake, a cheat. And finally, through all this hate, despair, and pain you see your life for what it is almost nonexistent. You gain the realization that this is not what you wanted, you wanted a healthy, happy partnership with someone that is a man, not a self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish child, that isn't happy unless he is demeaning, dreadful and cruel. You deserve better, you want better, you need better because you are a loving, caring, affectionate woman, wanting back what you give. Yearning for physical touch, affection, caring, love, is that unattainable? It isn't, it's out there for anyone that loves themselves enough not to settle for less in everything. So you fight one evening to the point of exhaustion and you see it as clear as the falling rain, you are done. Declaring it's over, you want a divorce, no more! As if the weight on your soul lifts and the floodgates open up and you mourn for your heart, your soul, the person that you used to be. Because you are changed, you have evolved from this shadow of the person that you were, into someone so new that you haven't a clue how to find out about who you really are. Like a phoenix that will rise out of the flames and ashes, maintaining possession of all that is good and beautiful about you. Don't allow your heart to turn to stone, your soul to flee, your love is still apart of who you are, at no time giving up on the possibility of finding love. Now almost a year later and things have changed in ways you never thought were possible, where there was pain there is now strength, where there were tears there is laughter, where there was an empty feeling there is now a sense of fullness. You have not felt this way in so many years, you are free in all sense of the word. Never looking back, but aware of what had transpired. Knowing God has a plan for you, all you have to do is listen, follow the path that was planned for you. Finding someone that is amazing, caring, supportive, giving you what you need even when you aren't quite sure that you need it at the time. Getting to know him and just have fun and laugh is such a precious gift that I am eternally grateful for. You are following your dreams and you are growing and learning every day something useful, with meaning. Knowing that you are right where you are supposed to be, and it is elating. Don't look back, the past is in the past and it does not matter, it's irrelevant because you have so much to look forward to in the days to come, the months, the years the future is vast with so many possibilities. This is what true happiness is, you only have to make the choice and grab it with both hands never letting go. I look forward to every tomorrow and what will happen every day, life is good you only have to search around you and you will find it in the most mundane things. Those are the things that make incredible memories that you can hold on to for a lifetime, the pain and despair can seem bigger than life, but you are wrong all you have to do is be open to the light. You will see it in the beauty of every day, looking at nature around you, hearing the birds sing, honey bees buzzing, lizards sunbathing. Seeing it in the night sprinkled with stars and the moon is looking at you bathing in its iridescent beams. I am the life of the forgotten, and I will rise like a phoenix because it is meant to be, I am free.

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