A silence loudest voice inside my HEART

“There are some words to keep silence. Waiting for the best time to say it out. Let him know. Stay try , stay do it in many ways. Long time gone for him. Let him feel it. But the more I do, the more he really doesn't care. The more I do, the more in doubt in my heart is a loud silent inside. Do u never ever feel it ? Never ever hear it ? The inside voice shouting that “ I love you “ always keep it inside to myself.” I stay up late at night, doing my thesis and always listening to this thai song which i ‘ve translated it above. The lyrics truly fit with my situation. I listen to it every night to keep encourage me in the sense of one_sided lover that “I will get his heart, or probably he increasingly had me in his also” it's sound like crazy imagintation right ? Frankly, it was my tiny happiness. Until one day , I ‘ve commit to myself to write him a confessions letter. What's more, I wrote a bit long letter to express my true feeling from inside my broken , uncertainty heart. I do know we are just friends and probably he doesn't like me in return.But, at least I have tried to do something I can't even expect to do once in my life time. So What is that ? No doubt , it is my confessions toward him. I brought out of my inner courage to sent him that letter that I spent almost 2 hours to completed. First, I felt hopeful that he gonna reply me back with what have been existed in his mind. Instead of feeling awkwardly , I chose to pull myself together to put all of my thought under control. I am done prepared both emotionally and intellectually to react and accept all of those piece of things. Yup, am done ! Guess, what ‘s next ? I've been waited for him to reply me back with the nervous crazy feeling in my stomach and fluctuate heartbeat almost one day up until now. Does he really care about me ? Probably No way. Nah, am even feel regret to sent him that letter because I don ‘t wanna make things go wrong between us. We used to be a close friends. If things go wrong, it all about because of me; who is the one destroying the entire friendship. YEAH! at the same time, I am slowly tired , fed up, feel stupid, feel not even his choice or his special person. I now realized that all of those butterflies and expectation I have felt, Personally, I felt and sense it alone. Life won't get hurt or much dissatisfy, if I expect nothing. I always tell myself, and i don't know why i still repeating the same mistake and end up hurting myself even more. There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we cannot live without, but have to let go. Life is not about want you to stay suck with the problem, sadness, heartbroken. Intellectually, Life is a game to tested how strong and smart u are to get over those painful things. People always think the most painful thing is to lose someone you love. In truth, the most painful thing is to lose YOURSELF, and not even realize it is too late. Hence, i completely decided to take it easy. Give myself some slack from this one_sided love 😌. To love myself harder, I won't make this young love take over my maturity instead of my value time to kick ass and getting my responsonsibilities done. Anyways, I am totally thankful to him ( my crush ) who teachs me courage, break-brave to reveal the silence loudest inside my heart. I essentially did it well, Thanks.🙏🙏🙏

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