To Sum Things Up...

Since becoming inherently laid off; my time has become deluded with ambition, and hurtles. As I recap this summer; I engulf the memories then chased down with the idea that winter will be slightly better. If I'm fair; I can't emphasize enough how hassling it was trying to solve fractions; repeating steps multiple times with my daughter. Not to mention; the encouraging YouTube links that entails the directions from the lighthearted teachers. Needless to say, the links rarely ever worked. From juggling several online services to accommodate the different subjects. To video uploads demonstrating exercise regiments for phys ed. To google meets that never happened, due to inactive codes or, unsupported software. Then there's the "cat chewed my computer charger" so lets add two weeks of completed online learning from my Android. The uncertainty of school due to Corona-virus is unsettling. Although saddened to have reached the end of the school year without experiencing the awe of 5th grade continuation. We made it through the first hurtle.. Working for a full-service hotel; one would think my employment was salvageable. Wrong! I've been laid off since March 18th, and months later; my phone still hasn't rang. Hotel chains were effected widely due to the pandemic. Business trajectory is on the decline for the remainder of the year. Fortunately, a predominant congregated mix of lefties and righties stamped the approval of providing us fellow Americans extra financial assistance. What, you thought I was gonna to complain? I'm content with the gesture. Though somewhere in between the minimum weekly deposits and constant runs to Walmart. My cup remains half full. During this down time, I danced around the topic of self doubt. Becoming apprehensive to what my next steps would be. I mean, I now have goals that were put on hold because of the pandemic. I'm not sure how I see myself coming out of this pandemic. How do I manifest my potential so that I come out on top? Just keep my eye on the prize, and keep writing. Sadly, the death of George Floyd detoured me from writing. Another unarmed black man dies by the hands of police. Not only that, but to experience the silence of particularly close white acquaintances is baffling. To know that discussing racism will continue to be evaded and contradicted; by not only justifying wrongful actions, but persecuting the victim according to his past. People are so closed minded. I felt anger ten times over. I felt shame, undesirable. To think Facebook was appropriate for expressing my thoughts. I should've known better. The rant and raving over Black Lives Matter, to Anti-fa, to disbanding the police. It was unending, one sided arguments. I will never get to where I'm going, if I keep feeding the very entity that's distracting me... so I got my ass off Facebook. My husband is German and Irish, so as an interracial couple it is important to use the moment instead; to enlighten, openly discuss point of views with my family. Living in St. Cloud MN. My family and I were honored to attend one the memorial for Floyd. To see so many people from different walks of life, come together; is heartening, and powerful. As a mother of a black child , I am afraid of what lies ahead for my daughter. I can only teach her, until she's come onto her own. Until then, I where my crown triumphantly for her. Well, as I stated previously; I got my ass off of Facebook, and put my focus back into writing. I was finally able to complete my screenplay now copyrighted and registered to the Writers Guild of America West. Day and night, weekends, five drafts later... I finally did it. Although attending the writers conference in Austin TX was the plan, however that dream was crushed by the NAZI alias known as Corona-Virus. As if it wasn't easy enough to become discouraged as a writer. All in all, I've conquered the hardest part...completion. Afterwards, a road trip sounded fairly accommodating after being on lock down. Ehem! COVID. We packed the Kiddos, rented an SUV bound for Fort Myers Florida. It was a day and a half journey across seven states. Wisconsin blows. To arrive at our beach front hotel, with ocean side restaurants. The sun; miserably hot, the ocean warm enough to bathe, and not think twice about the bull sharks that lurked just where the shallow clashes with the dark cold. Fortunate to make it back home safely before the fleeting surge in corona cases. Well worth the trip. Back home, and anxious to write more driven than before. Two screenplays in the making. With unemployment ending soon. I'll eventually apply for suitable work, until I am updated from my current employer. As of now; work is not promising, but what can I do. Optimism is key. Also, since mandating wearing masks; I've gotten acquainted with my breath. Lets just say... I almost blamed someone else. We'll just leave it at that.

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Hamza

Writer, Medical student, Soccer fan

Sassuolo, Italy