It’s Real.

It was September 15th midnight when I started having a severe toothache. I couldn't sleep a wink that night and waited for morning to get an appointment with my dentist. I took an appointment for the next day. After all the formalities of COVID-19 tests the receptionist let me inside the clinic. “Looks like you need a root canal.” My dentist said with real concern and asked me to come the next day for the procedure. I was left with no choice other than going for the procedure because my tooth ache was unbearable. Unfortunately, in all this back and forth to the dentist's office somewhere I contracted COVID-19. Even though I didn't have any underlying health issues, my health condition became very critical because of COVID-19. I was admitted to the hospital. My breathing was very difficult and I was put on a ventilator. At home I had my husband and two young children who were too small to take care of themselves. But I was in such a critical condition that my kids well being was of little concern to me. All I could think about was to get a sniff of air in my lungs. My chest was burning and the roof of my mouth was on fire from struggling to inhale air. After the doctors intubated me, breathing became a little easier but I still had too much pain in my chest and stomach. My legs were sore and I had severe pain in my neck and shoulder. I was bedridden with a feeding and breathing tube inserted down my throat all the time. My husband was not allowed to visit and so were my children. Right next to my bed were two other beds occupied with mother and daughter suffering from COVID-19. My own pain was unbearable, but when I saw the trauma and pain that the mother and daughter were going through, I couldn't complain. Mother was around eighty-five years old and her daughter was twenty-five. No other family member was allowed but I was a bit happy that the old mother had someone by her bedside. Just the thought that your loved one is by your side when you are going through a miserable health problem is a big relief in itself. I, on the other hand, was lying on my bed and struggling for my life and the air felt so desperate to have a family member by my side. This trauma had made me believe in the strong will power of our survival and existence and above all the faith in health care workers. The nurse in our ward was a god-sent angel. It's because of her that I came back home to my husband and children after recovery. When I had lost all hope and was struggling for life and air, nurse Jenna held my hand, giving me strength to awaken my inner desire for survival. My sugar level went so low to a point that my whole body was convulsing, I was trying to take a mouthful gulp of air but it wouldn't make it to my lungs. I wanted to get all the tubes out from my body and scream for help, but sometimes desperation just vanishes in the cry of others' misery. Within a week the elderly mom couldn't take it anymore. She passed away leaving her daughter alone. I could see the pain of loss in her daughter's eyes. The numbness in the eyes of the daughter was palpable. At that moment she won't let go off her dead mother's hand. I felt so sorry; at the same time life looked so meaningless to me. Why do we have children; why do we raise them; why do we love our parents with all our hearts? I couldn't get answers to any of these questions. I was lost in the pain, agony, and misery of that daughter. Only one thing I was sure of was that I will have to live. At that time, the only thought that crossed my mind was the faces of my both daughters. What if I will die? My daughters can't take this shock; they are too small to understand any of this. For A few hours, when I was struggling for a whiff of air, I just wanted to die. I did not want to end my life struggling for air, with my lungs burning and my heart sinking. Momentarily I had already lost my life, but the sight of that grieving daughter brought me to my senses. I had the greatest desire to fight off COVID and survive. If not for myself then for my daughters. Nothing is more important to a child than her mother by her side in good and bad, low and high. For the next couple of days, I tried to fight all my negativity with every ounce of energy I had left in my body. I made a promise to myself to return to my daughters who are constantly waiting and praying for me. The nurses and health care workers were constantly working and wearing themselves out— the selfless act of humanity was right there in front of my eyes. All the sick patients who had not one family member by their bedside were loved equally by these angels in the form of nurses and doctors. I recovered enough and tested negative to go back home to unite with my family. My spirit is high and I am full of gratitude towards every single person who is serving in the health care sector. We can't thank them enough.

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