Happiness

The pursuit of happiness. Maybe that's what God always knew it would be. Simply, a cat and mouse game of up and downs. Some smiles. More frowns. Good days. Fair nights. Us trying with all our mite. OR might to be able to withstand the fight of giving up. The tears longing to race to the bottom of your cheek, but you can't loosen your grip or smell defeat bc you wanna be HAPPY. What does it even mean? Multiple income streams? Big screen debuts? Best selling novels? On an island all week wearin' goggles? Maybe even meeting one's father. Hell idk. Because as the day go bye I lose the twinkle in my eye. My grip begins to slip as I let go of my fear in search for happy. Happiness is that you? Who'd knew you'd be so mean and ill behaved. Once a slave to the slain now I am saved by happy. Maybe I'm not. I'm still searching you know. The closer I get to happy the faster happiness goes. Who'd knew you'd be so quick. Did you somehow skip millennials? Yes we're aware there is a pecking order. Yes we're aware of the signs that didn't stand the test of time. But, how dare you call us ungrateful bc we UNDERSTAND not to work for $3.99. An hour. Happiness where are you? This lemonade is getting to sour. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Maybe if I say it enough eventually you'll show your face. You've been such a disgrace to my race. I'm not sure if we've ever been in a happy place. Kinda hard to be when you were born unequal. Equal yes like if you're talking 2 eyes 2 ears 2 hands 1 mouth but your opportunities are presented a lil different when your ancestors derived from the south. Red carpet rolled Planned Parenthood's, McDonald's, Liquor Sto's, and China Spots all aligned perfectly. Join the military if you want a career that durable or sturdy. Don't worry about college or starting a business in case you didn't know your family would be the one to steal from you. Lie to your face but smile on camera to appear real for you. Envious of your 10,000 hour of dedication to your craft. How dare I try to be the crab to cut through the bag. Dammit happiness just that quick. Maybe one of these days you'll stick. Around. In the evening of my demise don't stay I didn't try. Don't ask me why. I searched. Maybe you were shy. Maybe it's divine and you don't reside on this side. Maybe you only exist in the sky. Maybe you're designed for a certain group. However I'd like to believe you're colorblind. When I breath no longer don't say I didn't come to visit. You quit me. I wanted to go steady. You didn't. I just wanted to love you and allow you to enter my being. Yet instead you ran away for whatever reason. I'm a lil salty. Can't say I'm sad. Happiness is like cross-colors, or starter caps. A fad that has faded but one that you hope will always come back. Maybe you stayed away because you knew we wouldn't last. Maybe.. Man.. *sigh ... Idk. Just in the evening I'd really hope you show. Just so I can say I saw you you know.

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Krister Axel

Music Blogger and Memoirist at CHILLFILTR.com

Ogdensburg, United States