According to my mother, she gave birth to me when I was 7 months old. I was too small and weak to survive in this world. Doctors said that I was able to live 3 days. There was no hope, but faith in God. My mother told them that her daughter was strong enough to live. She begged the doctors to do their best to save me. Doctors vaccinated me without any check-ups. That vaccine worsened my condition to death. As my mom said, my dad immediately took me to Tashkent (capital city of Uzbekistan). Doctors helped me there. They found out that I was born with a disability called cerebral palsy. Being born prematurely, having a low birthweight, and not getting enough oxygen have caused me to be born with cerebral palsy: a group of disorders that affect a person's ability to move and maintain balance and posture. “ Anything might happen. Just be ready for everything. Your child can live a year or more. If she is a strong girl, she would live at most 5 years.” I have been living for 17 years with this disability. I am used to it having in me. As time passes, I feel like we are growing together : me and the palsy. Sometimes I can not stand the pain in my muscles. It hurts so badly. Only some medicines can be useful to relieve my pain, but they rarely help me. Whenever I am alone, I just dive into my thoughts deeply. Nothing will kill you more than your own thoughts. Thoughts, thoughts, and again thoughts…. They never end. I always think about my future. Will I be able to walk? Will I be able to hold a pen without breaking it? No idea. There are billions of questions, but there is no single answer. Every morning, I open my eyes, listening to my mother's cute voice: “Wake up, my dear. Your teacher will come at 8:30 am. Be ready for your school." Yesss, as you heard, my teacher comes home to teach me because I am home-schooled. That is another difference between you and me. Although you think that home-schooling is the best way to study without any distractions, I completely disagree with this opinion. I want to run during the break, hang out with my classmates, and go to the movies after classes. All in all, I want to be a part of that "messy" school forever. However all of them are just impossible. I envy you. While I am sitting alone at home, you can do anything you want at school. I just spend my whole day sitting on my wheelchair, watching "interesting" programs on TV, and looking at the window. That's my daily routine. About a year ago, everything was different because my sister was with me. She was the one who made me happy, she was the one that supported me, she was the one who played stupid games with me just to make me feel I was not a disabled person. I just miss those moments… Do not think she is dead now. She is studying abroad. I really love her because she always tries to teach me something new. She motivates me to create my bright future by studying more. I admit she is brainy unlike me. She spends most of her time learning something new. Although she barely shows her feelings, I feel her love for me and my family. She is trying to do her best for my future. If she can achieve her dreams, she will be able to earn enough money for my surgery. I know, currently there is not any cure for cerebral palsy, but there is a possibility that I will be able to walk after taking a 3 step surgery in India. I did not know about the surgery until my sister talked to Indian doctors. Last year, Indian doctors visited our city. My father took me to them with my sister because she was the only person who knew English. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. We entered the building. Door was wide open and there was a long line of people who were waiting for the doctors. We had to wait about 3 hours. Finally, we got into the room with my mom and sister. There were 2 guys with glasses. They were real Indians!!! I saw Indians on TV and could not believe my eyes that I was with them in person. They started to speak in English in a way that I have never heard from my sister. I thought my sister did not understand them, but she did. Suddenly, one of the doctors turned and started to walk towards me. I did not know what to do. I tried to remember English words that my sister had taught me. Doctor held my knees and asked questions from my sister. My sister and the doctors sat and talked for a while. Suddenly I saw my sister crying. She went out and came back with my father. She did interpretations between my dad and the doctors. Doctors took a paper and wrote something on it. We took the prescription and left. That day I was the happiest girl ever. My sister told me that there was a possibility of walking after the operation. Unfortunately, the price of the operation was too much for us. However, I felt something weird in me that I have never felt before. It was hope, it was will, it was future, it was opportunity, it was everything.

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