Dear Father of mine. The love I have for you is a bittersweet love. In the beginning, a doting single father raised two kids. By all accounts a perfect father. You loved and supported me to be the person I am today. I will never forget how great you were. But somewhere somehow I missed something about you. Something so crucial that'll affect me until my last breath. It was my last 6 months of high school when you cast me out. Just one month after my 17th birthday when you discovered I had snuck before work to see my boyfriend one fateful Saturday morning. Work started at 9 am I left at 8. For 15 minutes I sat in my boyfriend's room talking before we both went in. At some point, my manager asked me if I could go to another store to help. I called you to let you know and you informed me you saw I wasn't at work at 8 am and my heart went through the floor, then I knew what was in store. The screaming match that ensued when I got home at 1:00 am kept me awake until 5:00 am knowing I still had to work at 9. This was my last day at your house. But nothing. Not the lying about where I was. Not the sneaking behind your back. Nothing but the fact that you thought, just thought, that I was with a boy was what made you cast me out. Still, I invited you to my graduation for you are still my father who I still love and respect, but I never saw you. I knew you were there with my sister. But because you saw the boy who had taken me in, you left before I ever saw you. Not a word. Not even a text. Still, I had hope. I keep turning over and over in my head the words you said about my mother. “How could someone ever choose drugs over their kids?” But I believe addiction to be harder to kick than prejudice. To make it worse. She had always, always tried in the 10 years we had no contact with her she always tried to talk. I can count on one hand the number of times we've talked since that Saturday. Once for the graduation. Once for my enlistment. One happy birthday. And once before I left for basic. I remember so vividly that last one. Because it's what gives me hope today three years later. You had told me all you needed was a little time to come around. Let the dust settle from my escape. Let you grasp your feelings. I told you then that the boy wasn't going anywhere. We'd been together a year by that conversation. We spoke about how I'd reconnected with Mom and how she seemed to be much better and I was hopeful for the relationship. You reminded me we'd done this song and dance before. Unfortunately January 1st, 2022 the day before I left for the second part of my training she took her own life. I was too drunk the night before partying with my best friend and boyfriend on New Year's Eve to answer her call. I never got to tell her I got married just 10 days before. Married in the back of a hair salon by the barber who'd only performed 1 wedding before mine. I didn't want you to know and out of fear she'd talk to you about it I didn't tell her the last time I saw her on Christmas Day. I haven't heard from you since. Didn't see you. Didn't call you. I gave up then. A part of my soul died whether I knew it or not. Yet in all this turmoil, my now husband by this time had stood solid. An ever-present wall for me to lean on. My anchor to reality. So I left. Off to Fort Sam Houston, I went. Luckily the army gave me the money and time off to fly home for her funeral. I decided to leave you and everything else during those months. My husband and I moved to San Antonio 1100 miles away. So here I am in Texas working as an EMT. I make enough money to provide for the family I want to build with the love of my life who's never wavered by my side. I'd be lying if I said there weren't hard feelings from him towards you. You never gave him a chance. I got his parent's blessing to marry him and you haven't even met him yet we've been married almost two years. Maybe it's hopeless. Maybe my brain is right. But my heart still beats for the chance you'll be there for the wedding ceremony my husband and I swear we'll have in the home we're set to buy in a few months. I still love you Dad, And somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I know that great father is still there. I'll be waiting at the altar for the day you can accept me for who I am. The photo attached was the last photo taken with my mom on December 15th 2022.
A few months after Mabel's 16th birthday, her parents died in a tragic accident and now a blind Mabel was a ward of Aunty Kay. In her absence, Mabel would fall prey to her cousins' incessant bullying and tricks. One day, they had put peanut butter in Mabel's favourite sneakers. A fuming Mabel rushed into Troy's room and delivered a stinging slap with the one sneaker in hand to his face. I told you she was a blind psychopath Troy shouted. Sensing Mabel's distress, the guy introduced himself as Leo but an embarrassed Mabel scurried away. For the next few months, whenever Troy had his friends over, Leo and Mabel would secretly meet in the kitchen. He was 18, fascinated with cars and her first crush. Reality rudely intruded on their secret meeting spot by Troy whose shouts brought his sisters rushing in. An angry Adele, who was liked Leo viciously slapped Mabel d as she let loose angry words and barbs at Mabel's ploys. Mabel, immensely hurt rushed to the safety of her small room. After what seemed like hours, the door creaked open and Leo called out. Mabel flung her pillow at him and told him to go. Leo persisted and pressed a soft kiss to her lips telling her that she was a breath of fresh air in this hell-hole. He continued to caress her neck and shoulders. Kisses turned heated, caresses became more frantic and clothes discarded as Mabel's heart and innocence were offered up and consumed in the lusty atmosphere. In the dawn, after kissing a clinging Mabel, Leo left. Mabel blurted out her love when her cousins barged into her room unannounced. Troy and Adele laughed as they boasted of the bet Leo was a part of or else he would never look at a blind nerd. In the coming weeks, Leo was MIA! One Saturday after dinner, Mabel overheard Aunty Kay on the phone talking about the Johns moving to another state. This hurt Mabel to the quick who vouched to never fall for such a ploy! In the 5 years since that fateful day, Mabel blossomed into an intelligent, caring and capable young woman. Despite her disability, she successfully pursued her passion of cooking with the upcoming release of her first cookbook. That heart wrenching summer with Leo was pivotal for Mabel. Lost in her happy thoughts, she nearly missed her beeping phone signalling that her publicist and best friend, Maria had arrived to give her a lift to the venue but then encountered a slowly deflating tire. Luckily, the service guy Zack, was nearby to pick up the call. With both ladies safely ensconced in the truck, and their vehicle in tow, they made their way to the garage. Mabel smiled as she overheard Maria flirting with Zack. Before long, they arrived at the garage. The door creaked open signalling someone's entrance. After a shuffling of papers, a masculine voice called out Maria's name. Mabel froze in disbelief as her friend went about her business. She could never forget that husky baritone. It was LEO! As Maria concluded her paperwork and payments she hollered to Mabel which grabbed Leo's eagle gaze. The air was tight with tension as Leo stumbled over Mabel's name. As Mabel hurriedly nudged her friend to go ahead, a strong, calloused hand grabbed Mabel's wrist. Mabel was having not of that and delivered a stinging slap to an unshaven but hewn jaw. She was overwhelmed by repressed hurt. Maria tried to calm the situation down with the ladies hurriedly escaping after a few attempts. Zack met a stunned Leo standing in the same position, weary lines on his face. After some consideration, he held up a business card with a naughty smirk. Mabel refused to talk on her way back to the hotel but lying in bed that night, her memories came to the forefront. After a sleepless night she called Maria to confirm her schedule. A barrage of questions of Mabel's well-being were fired by Maria, which Mabel answered quietly. Seven o' clock sharp, the doorbell rang with a sombre trip to the restaurant. When the meals arrived, a frizzle of awareness ran up Mabel's spine. A voice which haunted her dreams announced Leo's presence. Crossing her hands across her chest, Mabel sat back without a word. As soon as Leo broached the topic of the first time they had made love, Mabel lost it and flung her plate of spaghetti at him. He made light of the attack and pleaded that he was threatened by Adele the morning after their sweet night. She had maliciously filmed them entwined asleep and would share a copy with the entire school. He had stayed away to protect Mabel's reputation. Troy had lied to the Coach which got him kicked off the team. His dad had gotten a job transfer out of state which was a clean break. Leo continuously professed his love whilst raining kisses along Mabel's face, hands and wrists. She softly returned her love enveloped in those strong arms that were imprinted in her memory forever and a day.
King Legx King Legx is a Ghanaian dancehall,afrobeat,Afro dancehall and reggae artist. He was born on the 27th July 2000 at Afufe in the Volta region and his real name is LAWSON BRIGHT AMEN. He attended St Francis Xavier Roman Catholic school at Accra Kotobabi and completed in the year 2017-2018. He continue his education at Accra senior High school from 2018-2021 and his current city is Alajo (A.J City) Accra. He started his music career way back in 2016 but wasn't serious to it, he started writing his own songs in 2018 whiles he is in S.H.S one (1) KING LEGX love anything which is pleasant to his ear. Aside singing, he also plays drums and piano.
I can't apologize for any walls I've built, or for those little parts of myself that some may not understand. I only made it this far accepting my past and honoring all my broken pieces. But my promise is that you will never witness me being anything but true to myself or putting on a fake front. I have more than earned all my "quirks" . However, life has not jaded me either and you will never find a more loyal person to have in your life that will always prove that what I say is what I mean and how I care will always be stronger than you have ever seen...that is my "pinky" promise
A World Without Color got a great recognition—the Gold Medal in the Fiction–Animals category in 2020 Readers' Favorite International Book Award Contest! Readers' Favorite recognizes A World Without Color by Bernard Jan in its annual international book award contest, currently available at Amazon. The Readers' Favorite International Book Award Contest featured thousands of contestants from over a dozen countries, ranging from new independent authors to NYT best-sellers and celebrities. Readers' Favorite is one of the largest book review and award contest sites on the Internet. They have earned the respect of renowned publishers like Random House, Simon & Schuster, and Harper Collins, and have received the “Best Websites for Authors” and “Honoring Excellence” awards from the Association of Independent Authors. They are also fully accredited by the BBB (A+ rating), which is a rarity among Book Review and Book Award Contest companies. Readers' Favorite receives thousands of entries from all over the world. Because of these large submission numbers, they are able to break down their contest into 140+ genres, and each genre is judged separately, ensuring that books only compete against books of their same genre for a fairer and more accurate competition. They receive submissions from independent authors, small publishers, and publishing giants such as Random House, HarperCollins and Simon & Schuster, with contestants that range from the first-time, self-published author to New York Times bestsellers like J.A. Jance, James Rollins, and #1 best-selling author Daniel Silva, as well as celebrity authors like Jim Carrey (Bruce Almighty), Henry Winkler (Happy Days), and Eriq La Salle (E.R., Coming to America). “When the right books are picked as winners we pay attention. We will be spreading the word about Readers' Favorite.”—Karen A., Editor for Penguin Random House Readers' Favorite is proud to announce that A World Without Color by Bernard Jan won the Gold Medal in the Fiction–Animals category. You can learn more about Bernard Jan and A World Without Color at Readers' Favorite where you can read reviews and the author's biography, as well as connect with the author directly or through his website and social media pages. “It is a wonderful story for fans of animals, especially cat lovers. Reading about the desolation and the loneliness of the narrator, the reader understands the place that Marcel occupied in his life as a companion . . . It is a story that explores themes of loss and grief and that celebrates a connection with a cat, a connection that brought meaning to the life of the narrator.” - Christian Sia for Readers' Favorite Please check out A World Without Color at BookAwards.Com. Thank you. BJ Original post at https://www.bernardjan.com/post/readers-favorite-gold-for-a-world-without-color.
I had sat for 20 minutes without noticing any change. The sun was harsh, and it made most of the others I sat with stone faced. A lot were minding their business while a few were already getting into lively conversations and it seemed like I was the only one still in a certain confusion. How is this process organized? I grew up an inquisitive child. You tend to pick up a mind that's always keen on knowing how things worked; when you are born into a strict home where going to play with others is considered a felony and a conversation with a stranger is a crime, but you also somehow owed everyone older than you a greeting. I always welcomed opportunities to learn and I became more introverted and rebellious with the increasing amount of time I had to spend in my head. As I got older, I got super shy, being able to ask a stranger a question was Christmas, and to keep the conversation was Santa's gifts wrapped and tied with red ribbons, so I was mostly left with one person to always talk to, me. I however mastered the art of soliloquy, which never really seemed to work with the ladies. The things that conversations with myself taught me were patience, optimism and how to tear my toys apart to know what made the car move, and to understand the mechanism behind the water gun. I always felt there was no one I could really ask about what bothered me, the adults didn't exactly think. They never seemed to have any answers to my unending questions. Once, my uncle and I were given a bowl of rice with a single piece of fish and meat. When we were done eating, he took the meat and at my protest, he had to convince me. “Fish is better than meat and has more nutrients” he had said, but after a pause my 4 year old self replied, “If that is the case, then why are you eating the meat and not the fish?”. I had once reasoned that if everyone else brought their requests to God in the morning and night, then it would be smarter to come at a time when many people will be busy. A time when he would be quite lonely and in need of company. I could totally relate with God, he was one person I felt wasn't also allowed to go out and play with others, and they never really cared about his opinion too. So just like me he learnt to soliloquize, like he does so well with the contrasting mixture of mute lightening and deafening thunder. Little wonder why storms never scared me. Like when I lost my dad to the cold bullets encouraged by an assassins' ability to use his index finger. Who for some reasons felt I didn't deserve to have any parent at 19. He must have had the same take on the issue as some relatives, “you are now a man” they said. Or when I lost my mum who succumbed to illness leaving behind a 6 year old. On both occasions though, I didn't shed a single tear. Not because I was a man, but because in my head we had talked and agreed that crying will not help make the situation any better. Living most of your childhood in your head and most of your adult life struggling alone, certain things no longer faze you. So when I got a call from my Network provider that my SIM card which I had registered some 10 years ago was no longer registered in my name, I was not shocked. I mean, you will think that being a faithful customer for that long would at least count for something. “We have reshuffled registration”, whatever that meant in English, and I was told that if I didn't go to their office to repair a damage that they had caused, in 4 days, I would be barred from using any of their services. I had woken up that morning reluctantly but patiently bullying myself through the whole preparations that humans have deemed necessary for mixing with a crowd; Bathe, brush, dress up (I wonder who made these rules) optimistic that by the end of the day, I will own my SIM once again. I had tried to work out the meaning of reshuffling registration in my head for 3 days now with no success. So I put on my face mask, and set out not knowing that life had planned another lesson to teach. As I sat watching people go in and out of their office, trying to connect the dots on what has been happening to no avail; I turned to the lady beside me. She had eyes that reminded me of Angelina Jolie. A constellation that drowns you with a wave of its reflection. Like a sea and with just as much surface tension. Yes, I have a thing for eyes. So since I was confused and she had those galaxies on her face, I tried to kill the proverbial two birds with one stone. I will get direction on what to do, and start a conversation. I asked her how the process was organized, to which she chuckled, pointed to a paper and said “put down your name”, after which she turned back to her phone. Being very teachable, I learnt from that moment, that there were simple things of life that even the smartest person can only grasp by gleaning from the experiences of others. So for me today Christmas came but without Santa's gifts.
Although friends are not our relatives or don't live with us in our homes, don't share material things with us but they do play a major role in our lives. Friendship is a companionship where two people, mostly going through similar conditions in life or having something in common share a bond of closeness, warmth and support. It is an undeniable fact that the influence of friends is huge on our thoughts, point of views and personality overall. Hence we are always asked to stay cautious while making friends or getting close to people as at times we might seem to have a very unique click with a person and the person might be having similar views or common situations in life but other factors should be kept in mind while being emotionally attached to someone. People would judge me when I'll write here that friends should always be made according to financial status and social background. People might criticise me on the viewpoint that elite class should be friends with elites, middles class with similar ones and lower class with lower ones. I am not against equal treatment and am totally against any sort of discrimination in keeping friendly ties and terms with people or in any other field or aspect, but when it comes to spending time and sharing views, interests and liberties, two people (if they belong to the status of sharp differences) they would have judgments about others which might not necessarily be true, their interests would be different and when a person from elite class would discuss his/her international family trips and tours, the favourite continental cuisine, favourite brands of dresses and apparels, the other person might indulge in an inferiority complex and may start getting envious for not having all those things in life. This complex would make the other person thankless for the blessings he/she has got in life and would automatically start comparing his/her life with their elite friends...ending up complaining about things unavailable for them and going in mental restlessness and depression. On the other hand, the friend from the elite class might have to filter out some views or experiences just so that the other person does not feel low or underprivileged. This would, in turn, make them feel restricted in sharing views and experiences which eventually becomes the reason behind barriers in communication. Thus, I am of a strong opinion that friends should be made in a similar social or status circle so that both people can understand each other without feeling low or lesser than the other person. On the other hand, I won't deny the fact that social exposure helps a person in knowing the social culture and human psyche deeply and closely. The age gap is also the factor that creates misunderstandings as having very elder friends or very junior ones as friends might make things vague and complicated as both people have different mental level and knowledge.
An oasis in the desert… A drop of water in the hot, silver-white sands in the Arabian desserts. That is what you were to me when we crossed our paths in the Sultanate, thousands of miles away from our homes. You were 13 years my junior when we met. I was married, and you were not. We took solace and comfort in each other's company since we felt alone and unhappy in the environment that we had to work to earn petro-dollars for our respective families at home. It was pure agape (Platonic love). We could have been otherwise, but weren't. We both knew and felt that what we had was as good as it could get, and would be ruined by anything “too intimate” or "more and further”. Love is something inexplicably, indescribably wonderful, bound intricately with life. There may be nothing strictly ordinary as such. At the same time, there never may be something unique as such in this whole world. It should be the strong desire to feel being loved and to experience love that is the last thing a person may find impossible to forego when all else has been lost or abandoned with ease. No matter what social status we enjoy, what station of life we are in, we need love. People tend to do many things for the sake of love which they would have never done under normal circumstances. We do not need lofty things in love. Sometimes things like strolling aimlessly hand in hand on a deserted street, whispering sweet nothings in a quiet beach on a moonlit night, a shoulder to lean on to at least for a moment without fear or suspicion in times of distress, to share ideas about life in a very matured chat, etc. are some of the things that we desire in love. I remember some verses in a song that goes something like this … I have not built sand castles about you, Nor do I entertain any misgivings about you. I will never lay claim to your life, And will not feel angry when and if you belong to someone else. This comes as a very advanced take on the type of love I speak of. The lyricist goes on to say that “don't you ever shed a single drop of tear because of me. Let us agree that we will be lovers that would never unite in life.” Love does not mean to imprison someone within limits and boundaries marked by the other, or anyone else for that matter, but something that transcends beyond that and something that has free reins. Another lyricist, comparing his lover to a star in the distant sky, says, “You be where you are and I will be where I am.” He means to say that you are a star in the distant sky and I am a person living on earth. But you stay where you are, as you are, and I will stay where I am, as I am. The common thing that is binding us together is the empty space between us. You cannot come down to earth from the sky. If that happens, may be I will lose you, and we will lose this moment. Hence you better stay where you are whereas I will stay where I am, watching you. All you have to do is stay put where you are. You don't have to keep saying that you love me. No need to keep reminding about it as if we will forget it. Sometimes, love exists where the words “I love you” are not uttered at all. The problem arises when we try to frame that love and come to terms with accepted social standards. In any bond, there is a point beyond which the bonding loses the tenacity. Hence, in a far-off country, in an unknown city and amongst unknown people, two ‘different' like-minded persons bereft of any kind of ‘love' would have many things to share, wouldn't they? Is it strange and wrong, then, for them to become so close but so far in love and find comfort in each other's warmth? If not for this bonding, the two-year work contract period would have been a hell on earth for both of us. I don't think that you will doubt for a moment that the story of a remarkably beautiful and much younger unmarried woman's brief and circumstantial friendship with a very middle aged and married man is far-fetched. It really happened to me, some 25 years ago. I still remember vividly the day I left her for home. That day, I realized how powerful the platonic love was. The rivulets of tears she shed on my shoulders soaked my shirt so hard that even the almost three-hour flight time back home wasn't enough to dry it completely. It was the day I realized how much tears a person can shed in one go. And that cemented my opinion on how powerful true love, though platonic, could be. I was a middle-aged man who recognized and did what was proper to my station in life with regard to a much younger, very attractive woman fate had put in my path. I never doubt that she would ever forget me too, and I always believe that she loved me as much as it would have been possible for her to do so. Although we have not seen each other after we parted ways, I still cherish that memory and still love her platonically.
The wind roared around the house like an enraged beast, rattling shutters and breaking tree branches as it did. Claws of icy air fought their way inside through the damaged panes and worn-out frame of my old farmhouse window. I curled into a tight ball under my blankets; piled as they were, it still wasn't enough to keep out the cold. I shivered as a particularly strong gust made the entire house groan. Sleep eventually claimed me, despite the bone-deep chill. I dreamt of arctic blizzards. Outside, the night's tempest howled on.
Mystery in the hills It was a bright and beautiful Sunday morning on the hilly plains of the cool suburban town of Mampong. I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and crickets creaking from the bushes surrounding my two-storey bungalow. As I opened my eyes and managed to crawl out of bed, I had only one agenda on my mind: to make it to church that morning. It neither mattered that my musculoskeletal system was in defiance to this religious routine of mine; nor that each movement was a reminder of the fatigue and soreness of my muscles and joints. I quickly took a glance at the samsung phone lying on my bedside table. Thankfully I had not been called to attend to any sick child or adult during the night. That was a first! Then why was I so tired this morning? I bent down to pick up my stethoscope from the floor and toppled over three feeding bottles, the last of them, half empty. The sound startled the 18 month old chocolate-skinned boy still sleeping in my bed. I quietly dragged myself to the bathroom. Washing down took longer than usual. My mind seemed to join my body in the protest. “Just stay home and rest!” it seemed to yell at me. Having been trained to always lay myself aside to care for my patients' needs first, my body was used to constantly being ignored. Today was clearly not going to be an exception. “Going to church?” My husband asked as I walked out of the bathroom. He had just returned from morning rounds on the hospital ward, a walking distance from our bungalow. “Yeah” I replied. “Coming along?” I asked. “No” he replied. “I am tired.” The drive to the capital city was 35 minutes. Getting dressed became an ordeal. I could not seem to settle on any particular attire. The one I finally chose ended up being burnt under the pressing iron. It was time to leave. I stooped into the still new black ASX SUV, a gift from my parents for graduating medical school in a foreign land, to ensure the Baby was strapped down. Strapping down, I said a miniature prayer. We took off. The first sight to greet us was the coffin craftsman with his various coffins on display infront of his grass thatched, bamboo- pillared shop, situated just opposite to the hospital entrance. Next we bypassed houses of different structure, shapes and sizes: some made with concrete mortar, others with clay. There were various goods for sale on display in front of many households; most of them farm produce. The most unusual thoughts run through my mind as I was driving on those smooth asphalt roads. The first was more of a suggestion as we bypassed one of the many churches in Mampong: “Why don't you stop here, and attend one of these churches in spite of driving all the way to Accra?” I found this thought odd. Why would I ever want to do that? To begin with, I hardly knew these people. Secondly, I was an ‘Actionite', meaning I was a member of Action Chapel International, a rather prestigious, charismatic church based in Ghana. Furthermore, I rarely got the opportunity to attend Sunday services these days. I put on the radio to bring my mind back from ‘overdrive'. There was some cool, soothing music that just did the trick. Shortly after that came the voice of Bishop T.D. Jakes blasting through the air waves. We bypassed a pack of children walking on the roadside, being directed by two or more adults. Beyond this point, we were almost in Accra. An erratically moving taxi cab upstream from us caught my eye. It charged straight into a four by four land cruiser about 900 feet from us, missing it by inches as both drivers swerved to avoid collision. The land cruiser sped off. Upon the sheer blink of my eye, I heard a very loud resounding CRASH, within inches of my very face, and felt a great, quick rotating force that turned me through an angle of 90 degrees in the horizontal plane. Then another ‘crash', equally forceful,behind me. Then I heard the most sinister cry of laughter ever! A second voice screamed: “I told you not to go! It is not time! There are many more things to be done, books to be written, stories to be told, many more things to be accomplished!” I blinked a few more times before I came to. Our SUV had been knocked off the road into a nearby ditch, next to a cemetery by that uncontrollably spinning taxi cab! I got down immediately at the thought of the baby. The windscreen of the taxi cab had been shattered into a million pieces, but surprisingly, frozen in place! I rushed to the other back side door realizing that the door behind me had was disfigured.I slipped on broken pieces of glass scattered on the floor and fell to the ground, my hands trembling as the gravity of the situation dawned on me. But we were safe, including the heavily intoxicated taxi driver! A few pieces of glass from the taxi's shattered windscreen being embedded in our chest and neck or the sheer force from the abrupt rotation of the vehicle ripping our aorta is all it would have taken to make this story end differently. Yet we were spared!
I thought I had flirted with death before... but this time I almost fell for her. Many young men believe themselves to be immortal, and I've been no exception. On average, over three thousand people a day die from car crashes, and many more are injured or disabled. This thought had never entered my mind, but soon it would knock on the door, walk in, and stay with me forever. Before I knew it I was heading straight into an Edison power pole. The sound was a terrible, deafening sonic blast of reverberating waves, tsunamis of grenades breaking over acres of Oak trees. Unlike the movies, the crash did not stop there. In reality, I was breaking clear through the fibrous wood of the power pole, rolling down a steep embankment beside the road, and becoming cocooned in the connected power lines before coming to rest on the two-ton driver's side surface. This began the commencement of a devastating concussion. My left leg was dislocated and broken in the hip, kneecap, and ankle, and would soon have several metal rods and plates implanted in each joint. My leg broke through the carpet floor and metal undercarriage, against an eighteen inch chrome wheel rim, which was gazetted away like a frisbee upon the first impact. The five point seven liter V8 engine was torn and ejected from it's steel cavity like a slingshot, as the five speed Mercedes transmission was gutted from the central structure like the spine of a fish. It all happened so fast. Emergency personnel quickly arrived, and assumed from the fray that my body was ejected out of the vehicle. When they couldn't find it, they discovered my limp body against the ground, still in the pilot's seat, and still alive. The short mental countdown of the firemen began, knowing there wasn't much time left to save me, and they started freeing me from the wreckage by cutting holes through the undercarriage of the cream colored, steel chariot. After fifty five minutes of strenuous exertion by the brave firemen, and the strapping of my sleeping body to a stretcher, I was hoisted on the helicopter, and headed to the hospital. My prized street car was a total loss, having missed the recent insurance payment, but that was the least of my worries now. I remembered nothing of the accident, or the events that day, and constantly wondered why I was there, vacillating between flirting with the nurses, and fighting them over my breathing tubes and many injections. The morphine and other heavy pain medication did little to improve my temperament and mental clarity. Having recently arrived, I was speaking to my mother while holding her hand, and suddenly felt a lightness and total relaxation, with a visceral feeling of love permeating my body and being. Unbelievably, I was being carried up and out of my body as my vision began to change. I realized my eyes were closed, yet I was seeing with a brilliance I had never, ever experienced before. I was enveloped in unconditional love and light, seeing all four of my late grandparents, as well as my departed aunt and uncle from different sides of the family, including my mother's younger brother who had died as an infant, and of course, never met me. Strangely, they all looked the same age to me, early thirties. I remember wondering why they were so happy, and weren't worried like the people in my hospital room were. I wondered if they had influenced my survival from what I was told had looked like sure death. I was captivated by the face of my mother's father, who I've always known as “Pop”, and his expression of excitation and adoration like the rest. I gasped to him, “I don't believe it!!!” to which he shrugged and replied back deftly, with his signature matter-of-fact charm “...Well, believe it!!!” His mouth wasn't moving, and I realized mine hadn't been either. What an effective way to communicate, I thought! Using my mouth, I proceeded to describe my newfound environment to my worried mother, including the warm, light, cloudy backgrounds, and the familiar faces glowing with light. I marveled at the sights with my eyes closed, relishing the all-encompassing feeling that can only be described as pure love. I told her “I'm about eighty percent with them now, and only twenty percent with you.” This worried her considerably, telling me to come back to her. I was very resistant to this idea, wanting to stay habituated in wonderland or heaven, wherever I truly was. I didn't want it to end. I didn't care much about the true location, only the feeling I was experiencing and wanting to prolong. After much internal friction, I agreed to break off the connection, and she watched my heart-rate visuals on the monitor slow significantly, before opening my eyes and announcing I was back. Even now, it's hard to imagine this experience as something most would consider real, yet it was more detailed and vibrant than any of my waking hours. I only wish I could explain it better.
Just lost someone dear to me -Ranoldie Love Morty to suicide. She was very dear to me and I just don't want anyone losing or becoming a victim themselves.
11:45 PM. Early January. Tobogganing hill. Next to the Dulude Skating Arena. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Seems like nothing too spectacular could happen on such a cold night of a cold season, right? That's what I thought as I climbed up that giant, glistening hill of snow that overlooked the majority of the neighbourhoods in my area. I could hear the busy city sounds that harmonized with the crunches beneath my feet as heaving breaths escaped my mouth. I could already see the very top of the hill, even if my only light source was the large, full moon that hung above, seeming to peer down at me with watchful eyes as I trudged my way closer. Once I finally reached the barren top, where the air seemed a lot thinner than before, I remember the smile I bore as I took in the beautiful scenery of the city line at the horizon. The city lights were scattered around beyond the bordering fences, looking like stars that glimmered and gleamed in different colours; the gently lit sky was still a deep shade of dark blue, contrasting the colour of the pale, cold whiteness of the snow that covered the entirety of the ground throughout the place I called home. I made sure I could still see the shadows of my mother and brother at the bottom of where I stood, just so I could still have that sense of security as I took in a deep breath and placed my toboggan down to face a pathway I was familiar with. It was the pathway I was planning to take that very night- until my eyes spotted it… Earlier on that day, I remember how big of a deal my mom made about me not riding down any of the paths towards the ski jumps, practically forcing me to promise her I would never consider committing to such a challenge. At that moment, I did not think of the situation as much of a warning sign- I thought it was just another one of my mom's parenting rants fueled by her sense of protection and fear of me having fun (I was a child when this happened, so obviously all adults wanted to make things boring to me). Of course, because of these initial thoughts and my naive sense of the world, how could I have ever known that my decision to break that promise the very night I had made it would end up with me in one of the most fatal moments of my entire life? I remember, I finally managed to push myself forward with my large, chunky boots, feeling a rush as I travelled down the slippery path towards one of the largest jumps I could see. The wind was bitterly cold as it whipped against my cheeks, my heart pounding from both the adrenaline and from the heat of my puffy winter coat. All I could hear was the hissing of plastic moving against coarse ice and snow, along with the faint screams and cheers from my little brother. My eyes widened as I got closer and closer towards the heap before me, my head pulling me towards the excitement as much as my body was, and nothing in my gut was telling me to do anything otherwise. That is, until the last few seconds before I hit the jump. All of a sudden, I felt some wild instinct within me activate, practically screaming at me to quickly change my direction before it was too late. But as my legs hit the ground, trying with all my 12-year-old strength to stop the forces from carrying me on any further, all I could remember was the feeling of my stomach churning and my mind spinning with fear as I had to lift off… Then, I suddenly felt absolute nothingness. I slowly opened my eyes to find myself face down against the solid floor of snow and ice. My vision was spinning ever so slightly, yet I could still make out the dark silhouettes of my two family members. My brother ran as fast as he could towards me, his screams faint within my ears. As to my mother, well...I couldn't tell what she was thinking, doing, or even feeling at that very moment. All I could remember saying to her was “I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry…” I'm sorry for breaking my brother's toboggan, I'm sorry for breaking my promise to her, I'm sorry for becoming a great inconvenience when we were supposed to be having a good time...and I'm especially sorry for breaking both of my arms.
I still remember my mother frantically waving goodbye with both empty hands swinging in the air on the day I left her, for the last time. Life has not been the same since then. Occasionally, I hear her innocent chuckles across the halls of my house and when I follow them - helplessly detecting the source; they become distant and then finally faint. The traumatic memory has forever engraved a feeling of guilt in my heart- the guilt of not being able to protect my most prized possession. Darkness descended, the water was calm, and the moon barely visible through the cloud cover. "Son, will you come back soon?" Mother inquired hesitantly. I had joined the army a few years ago and since then, life constituted of endless travels due to my strict schedule. As I packed the last of my things, turning towards mother, I saw the worry that lurked in her blue eyes. I held her bony hands with their calligraphy of veins, and assured her that I would be back the next morning. The night came down like sheets of silver knives; blinking my eyes continuously, I made an effort to while away my fatigue and stay alert, for I was part of the battalion watch guard of the line of control. Just then, I heard briskly walking footsteps approaching towards me. "Sir! Sector 9300 is under attack! Immediate orders have been issued for Battalion 194 to change posts." As the envoy marched away, I felt sick to my stomach. A cold fear rushed through my veins. It occurred to me, that sector 194 included my own residence! Upon reaching the site, I felt a strong taste of metallic fear in my mouth for the sky was bleached white with drifts in it of what first appeared to be red smoke, but then proved to be blood red dust. Broken, shattered pieces of glass, destructed buildings and fallen trees lay amidst a mesh of blackened faces with streaks of blot clot. The streets were dark- not just dark, but pitch dark. Marching through the mist of thick grey smog, searching endlessly for my resident, I was praying and hoping that Mother would be alright. Adjusting my eyes to the gloom, I saw the figure of a woman. As I came closer, the silver splintered brown hair and velvet wrap illuminated my thoughts. Her face was barely recognizable due to the immense destruction. With eyes suffused in tears, I took off my jacket in vein and gracefully covered her body. She was gone and there would never be another like her; an overwhelming personality with a soothing spirit and a voice that could move crowds to both tears and laughter. If only I had not left her. If only I had never said goodbye.