To fill the void.

Walking around crowds of people everyday feeling empty and being envious of those who've already captured their image of 'happiness'. It gets old.. days feeling as if they're getting longer by the second, not wanting to be around anymore but the same moment wanting a purpose to be around. A side character in those big important peoples lives.. I've accepted that- What is life's purpose ? Have you found it yet ? how do you find it.. how could you just make such a big choice at such an age.. "Where do you see yourself in 10-20 years ?" This is the very question that troubles me the most because I was asked this at the mere age of what? -10? Most kids that age say they want to be things you'd predict them to say, things such as an astronaut, doctors, lawyers or the president. When those kids grow and learn more they realize that life isn't as simple as saying a few statements and they come true. Someone once asked me "Would your 10 year old self be proud of the person you've become ?" and my answer to that was "They wouldn't even recognize me" i've changed so much in the midst of 5 years and with that change I've come to realize so much at such a young age. If only I could relive the best parts of my childhood all over again.. not having to acknowledge the things that hurt, nor the problems that come with your actions and always living in the moment. I wish to find something that'll make me feel as if I'm not just a wandering soul, as if I have purpose, something to allow me to feel "human". Something to fill the void within me. I've thought of so many things but yet none really interest me in a way of wanting to do it for a living. When will I find my passion ? Will I ever find it ? When will it all be too late ? No one knows and that's what's daunting.. not being able to know what's going to happen next without living it whether it being good or bad I wish that I could see things with the same curiosity and emotion as I once did.. I wish I could be as passionate about something as much as everyone else is, I envy everyone for that ability. The ability to dream, to keep dreaming, to have endless hope, to have the perfect mindset for all those things. If I could just do that would this empty feeling disappear? I yearn for something, someone, or an opportunity to cross paths with me, something to open my eyes.. something to fill the void within me.

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