Lauren always believed that friendships are long-lasting, she thought she would never meet new friends or either lose them, just she and her junior friends. How innocent she was, she just believed that friendships are neat with predictable roads, but she came to realize that friendships are far messier than any map. In all her connections, she felt the weirdness through every connection she'd ever made. It's not about how her friendships were good or bad, but it was about the strange, shifting nature of human bonds themselves. It all started when Lauren finished her final exams of grade 9. She celebrated with her friends and took photos but after that it all changed, Lauren moved to a new high boarding school, she left her friends, but She held onto them, sending occasional messages into the emptiness. They seldom started a conversation in return, she felt a hollow ache, a tightening knot, a sudden chill. The insidious chill of fading memories began to seep in. One day, Lauren found herself simply staring at her phone. The message bubbled five days ago. "Remember that time we...?" No 'read' receipt. A strange ache in her chest. She started to believe that they had forgotten about her. How did the ease of shared lunches morph into the uncomfortable quiet of unfamiliar faces, a tacit admission that they have never met. While Lauren was scrolling on her phone, she stared at Kezia's new haircut, the unfamiliar curve of her smile. The girl who was once a mirror, reflecting shared jokes and whispered secrets, now felt like a stranger dressed in a familiar face. One day she met up with her friend Ameli, Lauren sips her coffee, listening to Ameli talk about crypto and NFTs. Lauren nods, tries to look interested, but inside she just feels lost. They used to talk about comic books and new albums of TV girl. In summer holiday Lauren started learning German and after finishing her first A1 level, the academy published that they will hold a competition, when she arrived she was nervous, she didn't know any people there except her friend Jessy which in grade 12 and she recommended this academy to Lauren, the competition started and all participants were divided into teams, Lauren was the only girl in the team there were boys which in her current studying year and some in their twenties, Confusion morphed into friendship. On her team, Elvin, who was about her age, showed unexpected kindness, and their collaboration flowed effortlessly. They laughed and glided, winning a victory. By the end of the day, a happiness she hadn't experienced in a long time surged inside her, a deep intense appreciation for these passing people. However, the excitement faded rapidly, substituted by a profound insight. This strong connection was formed out of a single person's passion, mutual experience, a soft joke, a victorious high-five following their success, that meaningful look exchanged when something significant occurred. She only knew his name, no way to find him beyond this brief intersection. He would remain a vivid ghost, a perfectly crafted moment in time that would never expand, a beautiful 'what if' held in the fragile chamber of her memory. One day, Lauren received news that her friend Maisy, her old school friend, had passed away, Lauren stood, a cold wave washing over her. Maisy. A name, now a void. A surge of faded memories, sharp and painful, compelled her towards a dusty box in her closet, she started to read Maisy's letters, she read one letter that say “please come back and sit next to me don't sit in the first desk! Lauren started crying. She couldn't stop the drops falling from her eyes. Among them, a crudely drawn Barbie birthday invitation: 'Come to my birthday! I'll be glad if you came and stayed with me, don't worry, I will bake the cookies!' The words, childish and innocent, tore at her. Maisy, gone? They were playing together in the yard. She also started to scroll in their old chats. There were silly photos of their video call, some jokes and recipes of natural face mask. With Maisy gone, not only are new memories impossible, but the existing shared memories become strange. She feels the subtle shifts in her other friendships without Maisy as a common link like threads loosening or colors fading in the absence of a central dye. Lauren closed the dusty box, a quiet, desperate whisper escaping her lips " I wish you weren't going, I wish you would stay, stay forever” Friendships are weird. Lauren likes her friends, a few have come and gone. Some of the friendships felt a bit transactional, but a lot of them feel pretty real. She doesn't want to lose any of them, but she thinks at some point she will outgrow them. And they will outgrow her too. I guess when that happens, she will just find new friends, disconnected from the ones she used to have. She just hopes that if/when it does happen, it doesn't hurt too much.