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Rauf Akhmirov

Semantic provoker

Moscow, Russia

Hi, there!

I'm studying fundamental and applied chemistry at Mendeleev university in Moscow. At school I thought I would be a doctor but I perfectly passed chem exams so I decided to learn chemistry, because it was easy to me and I 🌌 (love) science. Now I'm really interested in neuroscience. I have a dream to study it in Germany, so I need to practice my english. Sometimes I have insights so I see things other way. Sometimes it's interesting, sometimes I guess it may be important for someone or some situation so I write it down. In purpose to improve my eng and to assess thoughts I translate it. Other language is the way to better understad.

Upheavals. Pt.2

Jul 30, 2020 1 year ago

Strange path at the edge of town. Industrial area. Guard post. "Young man, where are you going?"; "To the other side"; "Keep straight". And what's on that side? Suburban area and this is what I had been looking for. A little Sun and a lot of forest. Here I thought that our buildings are not made to live in but rather the predispose you to return, take a breath and go on to study or to friends. I wandered in the forest indefinitely, explored the trails and on the way back home I went out to the clearing crossed by a river. It offers a view for most of the town and you can see the places you passed. After that walk I felt how my perception of houses had changed. Like the gaze had widened and the whole picture became more complete. It reminds me the delight of a mountaineer who has climbed a mountain, but you hadn't conquered the mountains but the feeling of constraint which occurred under the wall pressure. A pleasing sense of lightness, that you are not alone, that there's life outside the room. There it is fighting with pandemic, developing immunity to the virus. And the space of life is much bigger than you are. This space is open and emotionless - everything happens for a reason and without any purpose. Against the background of the day, buildings and such thoughts I felt freedom. Being at home isn't so dreary now. It's a joy to be heard in your experiences. at least by yourself. Now formulation of the completed path feeds me with enthusiasm. Now I know exactly what have changed inside me. +5 to introspective attentiveness, 20% wider sight perspective and invulnerability to COVID-19 – here is my trophies which I took out from the twists and turns of time. Their true value will be determined by people I would meet and by the coming course of events.

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Upheavals. Pt.1

Jul 30, 2020 1 year ago

-There's going to be no lecture today, so please go home. Since couple of days ago I've been rolling my eyes when people were discussing the spreading of coronavirus pandemic and now we have to sit at home. Since that day I've understood that the changes were coming, and the world won't ever be the same. First of all you don't believe that something like that might be the case. Then you try to think positive like I'm going to have a full night's sleep. And after all that it feels like everything is going to an end one day. Finally, in the middle of summer because of the voting on constitution amendments The government said that everything had ended, and we were allowed to move around, but still couldn't sit inside a café and we should wear face masks in Public transports, if not we could face a fine. Seems like something grandiose happening, but no one understood what exactly is it. Guess people call it upheavals. At that time I had a toothache and I needed my wisdom tooth taken out. The dentist was prohibited from visiting the patients except if there was an acute pain cases. I think mine was not an acute case, but should I wait for that? Don't know whether it was legal to have a tooth removed out with common pain. Couple of days later I spiked a fever, within two days I had recovered. Maybe it happened after wisdom tooth extraction, or it could be coronavirus. Anyway in the name of safety I had to isolate myself. Also I had lost sense of smell. "Hello anosmia, you are my first overturn within swing of things". The World turned grey and became boring without flavors and taste. But I hadn't got my mind around to it because there's a lot of studying going on. Was it always too much or was it me trying to keep up it all? I had never spent so much time at home before and here we go again. I knew exactly I was going to get tired of the daily routine and there would come yearning and the surrounding walls pressure would be unbearable. Under current circumstances it would be ill-timed, so I decided to discuss further thought direction with my ancestor's spirit. I didn't have much time and I needed to keep a healthy regime, so I had only one thing – to communicate with ancestor's inside lucid dreams. I had read couple papers on this theme before falling asleep and by early morning I reached self-consciousness in lucid dream. Actually it lasted only an instant after what became sleep paralysis. There I felt presence of something, but it didn't scare me at all and it seemed amusing. Let me explain the nature of my curiosity. I clearly understand that the ancestor's spirit to whom I was requesting was not a ghost which appears out of nowhere. Probably it's the spirits way from which you can see a reflection of the human self. You know the spirit of ancestor feels like a very wise spirit that's why in my head it can be reflecting wisdom and brings clarity in happening. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Our fears come either from ourselves or from what we don't have. For example, fear of a lack of knowledge. In the context of glimpses of self-awareness in the lucid dream I was clearly figuring out what was happening to me during sleep paralysis, so it was amusing and interesting to me. I was figuring out that it is exactly what I was searching for, so I let it happen. Flashes of light, unknown shots and “We are waiting for you” a voice at the end. When I woke up I clearly understood that there's no sense in this phrase. “A smell of petroleum prevails throughout”, friends! Yeah, Known, Passed. More important afterwards – feels like you have watched morning cartoon before the school. I have become more attentive to worries since this time. Now they are taking shape and fixing more readable so it's easier to see and understand them. At that moment Sense of smell recovered so the world just fired with new colors which was the whole sunrise. Gradually I started venturing the shops for brief periods. Sometimes me and my sister were hanging near the wine section. After that I used to walk along my district during study breaks and sometimes during classes. But I felt like something is wrong, like it was an emptiness inside, so I began to search something outside and found it very soon.

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