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staceyinpieces
Autism-Mom Extraordinaire, Wife, Student, Undergraduate Advisor
Bellingham, United States
I’ve been a mom most of my 38 years. My twins turn 20 this year and my son is six. I’ve always worked hard, starting my first tax-paying job at 14. I had big aspirations for a girl with a single-mom on welfare and no history of college graduates in her family. During my teenage angst, I found writing. I wanted to be a writer…I still love writing. I found writing as a creative outlet for my experience as a teenager. However, I lacked confidence and was deterred from that dream. In my adulthood…my aspirations changed.
The angst-riddled teen with low self-esteem dropped out of high-school, got pregnant, and was convinced by her future in-laws to get married, at 17. A new wife, a high-school drop-out, with no aspirations. Five days after I married my high-school boyfriend, I delivered my son at 21 weeks. He didn’t survive. Naively, I decided to fill that void with another baby…or two! At 18, I was pregnant with twins. That marriage lasted until the twins were nine months old. I was on my own at 19, raising twins. I didn’t have a GED until my mid-twenties. I struggled to support my children, working various jobs. Once they were in school, I returned to school but lacked motivation since I finally landed a decent paying job with benefits. Then…I remarried and had a son. My life changed all over again.
For the first time, at 31, I could stay home with my children and consider a planned pregnancy with my husband. Then, we lost his business and were evicted from our house. Going from financially stable to homeless in a matter of months. We moved into a friend’s garage…I got pregnant.
I was hired at the local university, in purchasing. It seemed logical for my husband to stay home and care for the baby; he could rebuild his business from home and I could ensure our retirement and benefits through my employment. Once our son arrived, we realized we were old. We were sleep-deprived, he wasn’t adjusting to stay-at-home parenting, nor rebuilding his business. I promoted into an academic advising position, he fell into addiction and alcoholism. While attempting to address this, our son was diagnosed with Autism just before he turned three. Our lives changed again.
I reverted to student status. I needed to learn everything I could about how to help our son. I read everything I could get my hands on. I attended workshops and networked with professionals in the therapeutic and teaching fields. I had much more to learn than I was going to glean from the internet. I learned, without the appropriate credentials, professionals would not take me seriously. I had a different motivation than ever before to complete a degree. Seemed the logical step to take, to be the best support and advocate possible for my son. So, I started a degree in Special Education. I learned that would also not be enough. A teaching degree allows me to fill-in any gaps, should the public system fail him, but would not foster any change to help other kids. I learned there were countless children not having their needs met in the public system. I learned professionals that could help with these children’s behavior-based challenges were not hired by the public-school district for curriculum development as they did not possess state teaching certificates. I needed to be a Board-Certified Behavioral Analyst with a state teaching certificate. There is a severe shortage of Board-Certified Behavioral Analysts. This causes lengthy waitlists for applied behavioral analysis services; the most widely used method of intervention for behavioral challenges in children and adults. This outstanding demand makes private-practice more appealing, rather than being a state paid employee for a public-school district. I had a different type of motivation, I wasn’t looking for a bigger paycheck. I want to fill a need in my community, directly linked to my son’s ability to be his best self. I need a teaching certificate, a master’s degree and board certification in behavioral analysis to make any headway on this issue.
So, I forged ahead for my son. I achieved multiple “Excellence Awards” for various works during my studies, as I accelerated through my program as fast as I could manage, while working full-time and tending to my family. I’ve finally found something I love, I’m passionate about, that fulfills me. Something allowing me to advocate as best I can for my son, while fostering important change for my community.
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