Leave password field empty to keep your existing password!
It's always been my dream to change the world. Growing up, I was always told, "If you can dream it, you can do it." My favorite genre of anything is inspiration. I love hearing stories that just make me stop and think, "Oh, wow. That's amazing." The thing is, that everyone has a story and we are not all the same. I love hearing everyone's different story or journey and finding beauty in everything, even in the crazy things.
I believe that it's the little things that mean the most in life and in order to change the world, you contribute by one act of kindness at a time. Call me the "Love saves all" type or whatever you want, but I believe that's absolutely true. Love does prevail through anything and everything. I am a Mom to three and that journey is the most amazing of all.
My favorite thing to do is read and write, but I really enjoy being outdoors and going on crazy adventures to create the most amazing memories.
It's my hope that through my writing, I can help anyone get through any struggles or fears they may be facing.
"Are you okay?" seems to trigger an array of emotions just from a simple question. Watching her go through a crippled chaos that should've devoured her feelings of strength and left her lying on the floor in anguish and despair, but instead she stands without fear of what is ahead and a complete trust in her heart for the path that lie in front of her. Smiling every day as she wakes before dawn, I hear her words, "Please don't offer an apology for what I am going through. There is purpose in this pain. My journey is different than yours, but we all experience an unexpected upheaval in our stories through life that will lead us to who we are supposed to be. I am thankful." And she is. She chooses to be grateful instead of bitter. Never turning around even through the tears and the scars of memories stitched on her heart of what was but what isn't anymore. It is through the fall that she found herself. That she had no choice but to reach deeper than she ever had before, falling in love with that brave soul that was buried underneath the shell of who she thought she was. The person that she once was before her vision was clouded by temptation and false love. One that she fell for so easily because it's what she felt was true. She learned that in this glorious walk of life, we finally get a glimpse of the real love when we experience that magnificent fall. That's when we realize that we love ourselves enough not to give up, but to push forward, guarding our hearts carefully through the war of the life we thought we knew. Opening up to a resilience that our souls have been longing for. Terrified at first, we take that first step forward, breathing in the fear. Holding our breath only for a moment as we close our eyes to find that peace. And suddenly, we open our eyes and exhale that fear as we leave it behind and welcome a new sense of wonder that we never knew existed. Trusting our journey and keeping our eyes ahead. All the while, falling and rising up over and over again. Gaining a beautiful strength with each fall.
What is the Lesson? I have always looked for lessons in everything because I know there is one. Quarantine started on March 16, 2020, for most of us. Everything was closed, shut down, and put on pause. It felt like our world was shattering, and during this pandemic storm, a tornado formed with pieces of our life, creating a trail of sorrow in our path. It started with my grandfather becoming bed ridden after a stroke he had earlier in the year. He obtained a bad case of pneumonia and his health deteriorated drastically. During a safe visit with my grandparents, my daughter and her brother went outside to play tag. The driveway was slick and sent my daughter sliding fast where she landed on her knee and cut it to the bone. Despite the risks, I rushed her to the E.R. where she received 11 stitches. As the tornado of life slashed through without ease, I watched my family pull together despite feeling conflicted no matter which way we turned. We were terrified deep within because the world was in a state of emergency. But, we held onto what we knew, and that was the love of our family. The world can't take that away. So, we held onto each other and made the most of each day. Not long after, schools canceled for the remainder of the year, leaving all kids homeschooled. Since schools and social gatherings had been stopped, all of my daughter's dance competitions (already paid for) were canceled until further notice. As if the rain couldn't give us a little sunshine in our path, our dog of six years, Bailey, got into poison from somewhere in the neighborhood and the vet couldn't save her. We had to say good-bye. Then, one evening after dinner, we were entertaining who could jump the highest on our trampoline and I came straight down as my ankle rolled underneath my body weight. To this day I do not know if it was broken, sprained, or fractured. I never went to the Doctor. And to top it all off, on Easter, several real tornadoes hit all around us. We were extremely fortunate and lost power for four days and counted our blessings for that. Using a generator, we managed to save some food and use lights in the house as well as help our neighbors with power. The schoolwork was put on hold unless we used a hot spot from our cellular devices. Here I am two years later looking back on all of these things that happened but remembering the precious times with my children and loved ones. Times that I hope they remember too. It is during these times of trial that we find our strength by lifting others. I am grateful for each of these events because it instilled some of the most beautiful memories and lessons during one of the most terrifying times. None of us knew what was to come, but we took one day at a time and made it an adventure every day. Each one of the “fortunate events” led to something amazing. When my daughter was hurt, she couldn't have danced, so the competitions being canceled was a blessing in disguise. Because our lives were put on hold, we had gained the most precious time with my grandfather before he passed away peacefully over the summer. We can never get that time back and for those moments of life on hold, I am thankful. My ankle healed, like all things do with time. Though Bailey's death was an experience filled with sadness and sorrow, we were given more time with her, and I know she knew how much she was loved. Sharing emotions together is a beautiful experience. Homeschooling the kids was a challenge, and I know others out there can relate. I kept them on a schedule because I know how important that is. I also made sure to sit with them and give them my undivided attention, making that my priority. I heard them when they would tell me, “My teacher doesn't do it like that,” or “I don't want to do this!” Even when they asked me, “Why do I have to get up early? None of my friends do this.” I understood. Listen to me. I will never give up on you, children, and you cannot give up on yourself. Never be a victim of your circumstance. Taking Time Is Okay Some of the most beautiful memories are created during the hardest times, and sometimes, the depths of our sorrow can create a beautiful world of happiness.
Revenge. Desire. Justice. Anger. Peace. War. Love. Freedom. Turmoil. Frustration. Positivity. We have all felt these things during some part of our lives. All of us have yearned for something more than what we have during one phase or another in our journey through life. And, sadly, this allows the encouragement for our mentality to slip into the trap of the world of comparison. Whether we have been hurt by the ones we love, faced with unfair trials, thrown into situations with traumatizing outcomes, or have risen to fight for what we believe in to take a stand. We have all been there. I see it. I feel it. I know it. I have been there too. There was a time in my life where someone I love betrayed me, which caused me to feel a new pain that I had yet to endure. Leaving my heart writhing in anguish and unleashing despair to run erratically through my mind. Blinded by my own pain, I couldn't comprehend the fairness in the situation. It was hard for me to put myself in their shoes, which is something that I always try to do, when I had given them everything I had in me. Quite frankly, it felt like pure torment watching them take everything we had and pour it into a new life without me in it. The betrayal of stolen time was in their hands, and they ran with it, which hurt me to feel like it had meant nothing. Time is the one thing that we cannot get back in this world and it is my love language. In my eyes, no time is ever wasted, even in this situation. I knew there had to be a lesson, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking TEMPORARILY. The hurt that I felt was only a temporary emotion and part of my growth journey. Through the pain, I was grateful for all the memories that we had despite the hurt they left behind. But, that's just it, it was BEHIND me. Not in front of me. My journey ahead was going to be far more beautiful than the one I was leaving behind and I knew that it was better to fill my heart with gratefulness than with bitterness. It was going to take me further on my journey to smile with the pain than to act on it. I know that it was the right thing to do. That as much as I wanted to argue or hold onto something that was no more, I didn't. I just let them go and welcomed a peace that I had never felt before. Our journey together had ended and I needed to put my trust in what the plans for my journey was instead of forcing something to remain that was only meant to be a life lesson. Peace does not come from acting in anger or pain with the intent of hurting another. Violence is not beautiful. I have learned in my walk through life, that it is best to let go and let God handle it. He knows what we need and his timing is perfect. Though it may not align with our undying desire to rush through life, it is His plan and His timing and it is to be trusted. It's hard not to jump on the social media bandwagon in today's world when hurt comes, but that's not the way to do it, because the one and only person that will always be with you in every aspect of your life is God. And he is Always listening. Tell him your hurt instead of the world. Grow from your pain. Use it as strength to fuel that fire burning deep within you and be who you were meant to be. It is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of evolving into something more beautiful. The same thing goes in a justice seeking setting. The world can be a cruel place, and often, there are more negative things that occur in our times than positive, or at least that's what we see. Be that as it may, I implore you, do not seek that fairness and equality in the same manner that the injustice was brought to you. Everything that we do has to be with pure intentions. Yes, let's stand up for what we believe in, and we CAN change the world, but let's do it in a positive manner. If we go out in that world and make a fuss with hurt, angry, or wrong intentions, the negativity will come. The media feeds from the negativity. It is the wrong doings that always seem to make the headlines first. We have to change this. That is the stand we need to make together. We have to build this world for the better. For the young eyes that watch what we do and how we handle things. I always tell my children, "Do it with your whole heart or don't do it at all." It is hard for me to believe that when we engage in acts of unkindness to one another, it is done with our hearts. No, that is not something that our hearts were made to promote. Being unkind was not a part of the process that it took to build our hearts, it was made only with love. In situations where you are being tested; it is best to listen, to understand, and to know that God sees all. We forget that we are all part of a bigger picture and he has put us here for a reason. Temptation and tests will block our path at times, look past them and keep your eyes on Him. He hurts with us. That frustration you feel will not comfort you, but He will. Can you see it?
Last night during our bedtime routine, my daughter wanted to show me her freshly bandaged wound that she had acquired from playing soccer with our dog on our fun day Sunday adventure. She had given the time and attention to carefully mend it before climbing into bed, doing her best not to let any "bad things" get inside the cut. The band aids lay comfortably on top, smothering it intentionally for protection. "Do you want to see my cuts, mom?" She asked me, proud that she no longer needed my assistance in managing her wounds. Careful not to discourage, I nodded with a smile. "I would love to. Have those bandages been on all day? Can you take them off so I can assess the damage?" She thought for a moment, knowing that her reply would mean taking my suggestions, robbing her of the independence she had just gained. "I just changed the band aids, it looks good and feels fine." She smiled in a hopeful way. I knew it was important to keep her in the leader role. "You did great taking care of that. It's nice that you know how to handle your own problems and help yourself get through them, I am proud of you. Do you think it's a good idea to remove the bandages for the night to let it breathe? All cuts need to breathe at times to be able to heal properly." I smiled casually as I became lost in my last words. "All cuts need to breathe at times to be able to heal." Feeling a sense of wonder as my mind reached deep inside, relating this last statement to recent "cuts" in my life that I have needed to breathe from. I felt enlightened as she lifted the bandages to expose the fresh cut that had slight amounts of plasma glistening, trying to scab over the wound for the proper protection that it needed instead of the temporary one. It's crazy how something as small as a bandaged cut can relate to our lives in a deeper form. Often, when we use a temporary cover to guard our "cuts" it can do more harm if we don't let our wounds breathe and heal in their own unique way. Trying to use covers for our “cuts” will only delay the raw healing that we need. Once again, choosing to slow down and listen was the best option. My heart feels a little less at war and more at peace now that I can breathe.
I walked hurriedly to meet my friend at a local Cafe' to go over a presentation that I had put together for an event that had my nerves worked up. It was freezing outside as snow fell silently across the city. I held onto my backpack tightly with my gloved hands, my teeth chattering as I fantasized about the hot coffee I would soon be indulging in. Jones was standing outside waiting for me as I approached. "Oh, hey! So, I heard you're the new age immigration writer in town, its nice to meet you ma'am!” He said to me snidely with a slight eyebrow raise as he held the door to the cafe' open for me. I smiled kindly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ears to make a better connection, "Oh, is that what they're labeling me as now?" I side stepped him in a playful manner. He followed me inside the doorway to continue the conversation, "Well, what would you label yourself as?" He shrugged as if it were a simple question with an obvious answer. My smile never wavered as I held my head high and met his eyes, "Nothing. I am not a label, therefor, I don't have one." He chuckled lightly, "Sure you do. Everyone has a label. I mean, I'm the guy who likes to play rugby in freezing temps, which earned me the title of a fighter." Pausing to reflect on the statement made, I lowered my eyes only to find a resilience sleeping in me that I never knew was there. Slowly, I raised my eyes back to his, "See, that's what is wrong in our times today. Society has made us believe that we are all labeled in some way. That we fall into a certain category, and that leads us to be judged based on what category we happen to fall into. Don't you understand? We are not categories or labels. We are people with feelings, emotions, aspirations, and dreams. We don't deserve to fall into a specific category which creates a sense of mental instability for ourselves to believe. No, we deserve to believe in ourselves whole heartedly and know who we are without the world telling us who we are. Labels are outdated and categories are overrated. It's time for us to be true to ourselves and just be who we are. What is wrong with that? And quite frankly, I've never fallen into the “EVERYONE” category. Im not everyone. I am me.” Jones couldn't find the words to combat my thoughts, he only nodded with a smile as he slid his arm around me in a welcoming embrace that made his understanding clear.