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Lover of Christ⚡💜🏃
Sucker for romance, thriller & mystery😎
Slow music lover🙈👣
I let myself down
May 27, 2020 3 years agoI have always wanted a boyfriend. Someone to share my experiences with me, to take weird pictures together and all that crazy stuff. Every guy that I've ever liked never liked me back and that hurt. All my friends were having boyfriends and I kinda felt left out, so I begged one of my friends to hook me up. She got me in contact with one of her male friends and we hit it off. Not really love at first sight but we became friends. Keep in mind that we were only introduced over the phone. Every year we have a fair and it had been years since I went to one. So, my mom wanted to go and so I went with her as a chance of meeting up with him, since I wanted to see how he looked like in person. When we got to the fair, I waited for about 3-4 hours before he finally came. We had discussed that when he arrives he must text me but he never did. It just so happened that my female friend was looking for me. I had to walk around and meet up with her. While I was still talking to her, a group of guys walked by. In the same group of guys, I had a male friend that was asking for a hug as he walked by. I called him and we hugged and talked and while we were catching up, the wind blew my eyes to my side where I noticed the guy that I was supposed to meet up with. I then turned to my male friend and asked him if that was the same I guy that I was talking about and he confirmed it was. Eventually, the guy came over himself and we hugged but it was awkward because it seemed as if he was trying to avoid me. I was confused. It was like I was a pest that he was trying to get rid off. We barely talked and I ended up going home early. I felt so embarrassed. Never in my life, had I met up with someone that was embarrassed to be seen with me in public! As time went on, I put the whole thing behind me and we became really good friends. Then he started giving me signs that he was interested in me. I didn't take him seriously until my friend told me to just go with the flow. As we started talking everyday, he confessed that he liked someone. I was happy for him but as days passed, he gave me signs as if I was his crush. There was even a time when I just described his crush for fun and he told me that it was me. I chose to ignore his statement and laughed it off. The day finally came when he had an operation and I was trying to be there for him. He told me that he wanted me to come to his house and stuff but I declined. Since I was always making jokes about his crush, he told me that he spoke to her and she asked for his picture. I was completely quiet because I didn't know how to react. Then he started telling me of how happy he was and I became sad. I ended up cutting the conversation short. I felt so dirty! Recently, he had been telling me of how he wants to cuddle with me and kiss me and I fell for it. I believed him! I lowered my guard and went with the flow. All along he had been using me as a replacement for his crush. He said things to me that he couldn't say to his crush and I honestly felt betrayed. He had played with my emotions and I allowed it, thinking that he liked me. I was a clown. The whole situation seemed as if I was I was stealing another girl's man. I didn't want that. I had actually thaought that someone liked me but, he was just taking advantage of me. He thought that he could manipulate the situation, but I knew better than to fall for his tricks. We still talk but anytime he tried to flirt with me, I cut him short. I'm not ready to allow myself to fall short for a guy. I remained single and happy and that was honestly better than looking like a clown for a guy that wanted to fulfill his own desires. I blame myself for ever letting it happen, for building my walls short for him, for looking like an idiotic. Maybe I wasn't meant to fall for anyone at this moment, but time will come when I will be happy and grateful for the man God will leave at my doorstep. I will never allow myself to fall short again. It hurts. I will wait for God's timing, it's always the best!❤
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