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I am a person that is always optimistic and have many dreams that I follow with passion. I have been making movies for many years (https://www.youtube.com/user/craig26study/videos?view_as=subscriber) and my aim is to inspire others in the same way I get inspired everyday. I am also the author of the novel (Ruins of the mind - the ancient Curse) which is avail everywhere. I have a diploma in digital media technologies and did a advance diploma in screen and media. I had performed on stage for many years in shows and dancing.
Life can be a struggle, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel
Feb 17, 2018 6 years agoAll throughout my childhood days, I was always treated differently. Being a mild Autistic child in a special needs class had its challenges. I remember the taunts from the other kids, and the feeling of worthlessness. I was no different from anyone else; we are all living beings wanting acceptance, love and understanding. I was in the special class all during my primary school days, and when I started high school I went to Mulwaree High located in Goulburn. I was in the bottom class and was struggling to keep up from day one. In the first few months, I was constantly bullied; and one day I decide that I had enough and ended up in a fight with another student, and hurt him. The principle not even willing to listen to my side of the story asked me to leave the school. I had no choice but to transfer to another school. I got a transfer to Goulburn High school after agreeing to their condition that I would be placed in a special class for kids with learning disabilities. I was again the center of other kids amusement from normal grades. These kids would play pranks on me, and emotionally torture me with mind games. In one instance, a girl came up and hit me in the face really hard, and walked away. At the same time a group of boys stood back watching and laughing. She came back moments later and, apologized; it turned out that one of the boys that was monitoring the incident had told her a lie to trigger this conflict for him, and his friend's entertainment. Another time I was pushed into the girl's toilets while a few boys held the door shut, and laughed at me during this dramatic scene that seemed to have lasted longer than a few minutes. In the middle of year seven, I worked very hard, and made my way out of this class. Not only did I get out of the special class I had also jumped three grades. Being in a normal class was no easier for me as I had a bad speech impediment. Most of the other kids mocked the way I spoke, and constantly questioned my intelligence. I had a small number of friends at school, and most of them were girls. I had found that most of the boys at school only wanted to communicate with me through either verbal abuse or by aiming their fist at my head. I struggled at school with depression, and many times thought about suicide, and even attempted it a few times. I had a few girlfriends during my school days, but they were not what you would call normal relationships. These girls were not affectionate or caring towards me in anyway; I could never comprehend why they felt so little towards me. I kept asking myself; what is wrong with me? I started to deliberately put my self down over minor flaws, and became more self-conscious. None of my relationships lasted for any longer then a few months at a time. The girls that I had dated at school taught me many painful lessons when it came to relationships. Most of the girls cheated on me with other people while the remaining found me to be too clingy. The first time that I was cheated on it really hurt; after that for some reason it became as if I was expecting the same thing to keep on occurring. I started to feel emotionally numb on some levels. I tried different approaches and the thought kept rising in my mind; what am I doing wrong? I came to realize in my later years that I was just chasing after the wrong kind of girls. I can remember the days walking down the street after school, and noticing people holding hands and smiling into each other's eyes. Seeing this on a regular basis I felt more alone and empty inside. I was that boy at school that gave girls flowers at Valentine's Day for a few years in a row, only to be punished by my gestures with humiliation and further anguished. I even tried writing poetic letters to girls that I liked just to hear them and their friends laughing together with all their eyes staring hurtfully at me in a frightening glaze. The biggest problem with constant rejection was I fell head over heels for any girl that showed any interest no matter how small. Most of the time these girls either had boyfriends or just wanted to be only friends with me.
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