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La belleza cuesta
Feb 18, 2018 6 years agoAs a child, I was always very confident, I had semi-colored eyes, cute freckles on my cheeks and long silky chocolate hair. Sure, I had braces but the outcome was a prefect smile, “la belleza cuesta,” my dad would say and I believed it, after all I'd constantly have boys telling me how pretty I was. This self-confidence lasted up until the beginning of high school when my body began to change, and no I'm not talking about puberty, everyone goes through that. This was different, it was a change that required me to go from doctor to doctor and forced to hear things like “what Graciela has is not curable,” and “it's something she's going to have to live with her whole life.” Hearing these things was like receiving shots to my self-confidence which left open wounds. Although I've been dealing with this since the beginning of high school, on February of junior year I was officially diagnosed with a chronic illness known as dermatitis or Eczema. You're probably thinking it's no big deal this girl just has very dry skin and has to deal with constant itching, but it was more than that. It was itching up to the point that my skin couldn't take it anymore and id be covered in blood, it was itching until my scalp was too damaged and my hair began to fall. My mom said it would be for the best if I cut my hair, it would be easier to deal with. I no longer was the girl with the long silky chocolate hair and as I watched my strands of hair fall, along with it went the rest of my confidence. It was having my first panic attack, because the pain was no longer something I could deal with. It was constant tears because not only did it affect me physically but emotionally too, I no longer felt pretty. My dad was right “la belleza cuesta” but it was something I could no longer afford. Experiencing this throughout high school, the time when you're supposed to find yourself, made things harder. I guess I did find myself I was pretty much the definition of eczema, which meant not being comfortable with my body because of the rash that completely covered my body. It also meant changing my whole wardrobe because I had decided on never wearing anything that would show off my skin, only turtle necks from here on out. It wasn't until the people around me opened my eyes, and I owe it to them for helping me patch up the wounds my confidence had received. I owe it to my mom and sister for being there at the toughest times and reminding me, "when you are at your lowest point there is no where else to go besides up." I owe it to my friends for reminding me we all go through things and some people have it much worse. I owe it to my little brother for reminding me how beautiful I am, and I've heard kids don't lie. I owe it to the boy who told me I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and who dried my tears as I said I would have to wear my hair down on my wedding day, that way it covered my skin. "I promise you'll be able to have your hair up and i promise you'll be the most beautiful girl on your wedding day and every other day," he said. Lastly, I owe to myself for not letting it get the best of me, yeah maybe I'm still working on my confidence and there are times where it gets the best of me, but I know now I am not the definition of Eczema, I am so much more than that. Maybe at the end of the day beauty was something I could afford, sure I had to pay a higher price than most, but it was affordable.
