It's something should have expected considering what I've known and what I've learned over time. It's something that I should have seen coming. This relationship, especially at the age of 17-18 was not such a great idea. I thought that because I had a massive crush on this one person and that my feelings were so strong, according to me, that I could overcome anything and everything thrown at me. I was a fool for ever thinking that. I was not taking into account how much I had learned about this person, especially that not so good bits. That is on me though, overlooking the bad to try and see the good that may or may not come of what I got myself into. I "fell in love" with a girl I had known from a young age. Someone I thought was a very good friend of mine. Me, as the very shy person that I am, shocked even myself when I gained the courage to finally ask her out. It was a shock to her, but I got to hear what I've been wanting to hear. From then on it was all sunshine and roses or so I thought. On my part, I was on cloud nine! I had what I have been dreaming of for the few months. I got the girl I've been thinking about for quite an embarrassingly long time. It was great to think that I had this girl by my side and I wasn't so alone in the world after all. Over the next few months I began to realize that our relationship was beginning to be like the horror stories I've read about being in a relationship with a closeted girl. The sneaking around, the having to lie to be able to see each other, having to plan way in advance to even just hang out. It was hard, but I thought that because we were "in love" that it would work out. I honestly just was not seeing what was right in front of me. Considering she was the classic rebel, the girl always running away and getting into trouble, I thought it was all for show. The lying I thought was just a way fro her to see me; the cheating that I believed was "a cover" to maintain our relationship a secret; the days I'd be ignored and thought that she just wanted to get some scrutiny off of her back. I honestly was very naive and sometimes I think I still am; but this mockery of a relationship has taught me much, not only of myself but of how life may be sometimes. I have used this as a lesson to try and never let myself be played and used in this manner ever again. I have also chosen to try and help my friends from becoming like the small-minded person that I became in that time, the person with tunnel vision that could not see what was going on right under their noses. I hope to never plunge into a relationship like that again, but I have not given up hope on finding someone at the right time. I'm still young honestly and I have plenty of time, though the way the Earth is heading it may not seem like it (that's just my pessimism speaking). I hope this experience does not bore you, well if you got to this point I hope it hasn't. I just wanted to put all this out there honestly, and getting it off my chest in this way is kind of gratifying.