I don't consider myself to be a believer in God, at least, not currently. It is true that my brother and I go to temples and Gurudwaras habitually, however, that is simply an act of obedience to our parents and a pleasant gesture towards their hard work. In other words, we follow them blindly. Nevertheless, a principle that my brother has always followed, and eventually passed on to me, is that “I'll believe it when I see it”. When it comes to god, or any supernatural being, there are so many questions which arise; questions that remain unanswered to this day, and also those which will never be answered. “Why are there so many gods in our religion? Where exactly are they? Where do they live? What are we trying to reach when we meditate?” I remember questioning with the help of my brother. My father, who was always the receiver of these questions, never entirely answered. He merely waived the questions off and switched the subject ingeniously. This would agitate me. He believed so strongly, so vigorously, yet when it came to sharing the complex idea of a god he would always deflect. I also remember the glorious trips my family and I took to the Gurudwara. I took it upon myself on one of those days to get my fundamental questions answered. I wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I could not see myself, but my father could. “Sat Sri Akal,” I began respectively. I did not understand the role of a pundit —I still don't— but I respected his position among the public. He responded nonchalantly with a slight hand movement like he was giving me his blessing. I wanted to scream all of the questions at the same time. I wanted answers. “If God is real, then why do so many innocent children, innocent mothers and fathers suffer?” I began. I could sense the cold look on my face as I delivered these questions. “Why does god allow rape, slavery, and all of those terrible thing my mom talks about? Why do innocent people suffer?!” I didn't realize exactly when I had started screaming but I had quieted down when I felt my brother's hand on my shoulder. He looked at me, smiling as if he had been waiting for me to ask these questions, as if he had baited me into questioning his beliefs. He brilliantly responded “Well... That's what we will learn when we die. We will discover the reason of life!” This is another reason why I'm not a believer. It is not the fact that I am impatient, I am willing to wait to understand the concept of God and if that means I have to wait until my death, then be it. But it's the ignorance of the believers that just can't see beyond believing. My problem is with the individuals who believe blindly, individuals who give endless credit to god and his “wonders” but never to themselves or others. I simply do not understand the importance of God in my life. I know I sound ignorant, maybe even childish, but I have not yet received a simple and reasonable explanation of God and why our world is the way it is. If, according to the bible, the ‘Geeta', and mostly all of the religious scripture, “God is the creator and destroyer of all” why does he kill and rape innocent children? What have they or their family possibly have done to be punished in such a horrific way? Another reason why I question my father's concepts is the phenomenal industry that is religion. Most of the time, I go to the temples and see an enormous chest absolutely flooded with money. Literal pounds of one dollar bills, five dollar bills, twenties, and even hundreds. To completely understand where this money went I researched and physically stayed after to see exactly what went on. At the end my uncle had concluded that there was around $2200 in the chest after just one day of service! All of that money went to the stakeholders of the gurdwara and it was their decision that determined what to do with all of that cash. According to my research around 89% goes straight to the stakeholders of that ‘company'. People have made god a business. In my opinion, God's only viable existence in our lives is artificial. God is what makes people so delighted to what they do, to get where they want to get to! They pray every day so they feel secure, so they feel that they have power over their day, since they are protected by god. Some people do get carried away with this, however. You shouldn't say that all of your success was because of god, and you got lucky, because luck ends. Your work is because of your mindset, because of the way you think and act. To me, god is not an unidentified thing that made the universe and controls all things and has a war against the devil. It isn't a thing, but a feeling. A feeling of regret sometimes and excitement at other times. Just like us, it makes mistakes, because it is us. We all have our own god, and that god isn't all that good. I don't pray to god when I'm scared, I pray to my parents, friends, family, because why would I pray to myself, for myself?