'Cause of the Song I Sing

On the bus, up and over the tracks, honking, honking, honking.On the bus, sophomores seated in the back, talking, joking, laughing.My right, she's sipping coffee, my left, he's just staring.He's just staring at those birds out there.She's sipping because she's sleepy, he's just staring because he's waiting.I'm waiting, I'm waiting. So patient and I'm waiting.Not even half through and I'm thinking how long do I have to keep waiting.To my right, she's texting, I mean texting.She's really, really texting.With just one hand she's texting, and I'm like wow she's a real texter and then I'm like wow, I wish I was a real texter.I wish someone thought of me, and really texted me.Actually, I wish someone thought of me and really called me. And actually, I wish I could just skip all of these hours, and hours but here I am looking at her really texting.I see the building far ahead of me, and that's when the anxiety jumps inside of me.That's when the nervousness spills out of me.That's when I gotta pull it all together and just walk out of this bus and pretend that I know where my people are.This is where I pretend that I know where to go, who to sit with, who to read with, who to talk with, who to joke with, who to laugh with.Allow me to introduce myself.Hello, my name is Melody “Mimi“ Wren.No sugar coating, all I want is just some real good friends.Stayed at this school for a whole year, survived being a freshman.Now that I am a sophomore, I kinda wish that I had some real good friends.Sure, I have "friends".The kind of friend that I help with homework.The kind of friend that I say hi to in the hallways.Sure I've got that kind of friend that is there to keep me company until I'm caged up in that bus again.Yeah sure I've got that kind of friend that I talk about tests with.I've got that friend where we both look at each other and giggle under our noses about some dumb thing so and so said in class.But that's just it, it only stays in class.So that's what I mean when I say I want some real good friends.I want friends where I could talk to about real stuff, about stuff I like.Things that interest and attract my inquisitive mind, my ever inquisitive mind.I want that friend where they're almost like a sister, where they should've been related to me.I want a best friend that texts me first and calls me first every now and then.I want to sit with them during lunch ‘cause oftentimes I don't have people to sit with.I want a very good best friend that likes me ‘cause of the song I sing.I want them to hear my song and hum to it.Sometimes the thought of it makes me feel like a loser, like I am only good for eating and throwing up worms on a paper.It sometimes makes me feel like I am just as annoying as the bird that spills fecal matter on my car.Or like the bird that loves to tweet its tune by my bedroom window, early in the morning.It is so awkward and depressing to walk through the hallways and see everybody talking to everybody. It is so strange walking into the cafeteria and seeing everyone having the time of their lives and expressing it in loud, loud noises that make me feel so alone, alone.And sometimes when it gets too much, I just wanna call my mom or cry.It's upsetting, and it is above all else depressing.I promise that I am a trusting person.I promise that I am understanding.I promise that I am kind.Don't worry Mimi, I am smart enough to know that all of this has nothing to do with what's wrong with me, ‘cause there has never been anything wrong with me.It is not their fault that they are not for me, and it is not my fault that I am not for them.I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and not everybody is mine.Not everyone that I meet will gravitate towards me, and that is perfectly fine.Yeah y'know it's okay to sit alone.Y'know it's okay to be within yourself. Honestly, it is okay to be by yourself.Mimi, you are a young one, and you are in a stage where you are unsure.Realize that in your loneliness you become a songbird, realize that you become who you were meant to be.God incubates the yoke of the bird in the protection of its shell, the yoke is alone but developing into something else.Mimi, realize, you are a songbird.Don't worry Mimi, use this time to develop your strengths, learn how to sing your own song.This is the time that you need to learn your skills.Do not try to break your own shell before you are developed, its okay, so slow down, God will tell you when the time is right.And when the time is right, you will stretch your wings and learn to fly, learn to take the first approach, step.And when you sing your song, do not focus on those who roll over their pillows above their heads, rather focus on those who do not instead.But for now, I will sit alone in the hallways, eating my lunch happily, waiting for someone to come to me, ‘cause of the song I sing.

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