Shine a Light

"Once you reach the top, take care as the only way left to go is down." - Darren Bateman It all started with pride, the sense that I had to do better than everyone around me. I always had something to prove, still had to be on top. With this mindset, you would think I was extremely competitive, self-absorbed, and a bit of a narcissist; however, I never became what they thought I would be, I just did the things they told me I could not do. Then it started with highschool. The environment suss, chaotic, and claustrophobic. Amongst the chaos, I found solace in a pair of dress shoes, slacks, and a khaki shirt. A uniform with a heritage; ill never forget the first sentence I heard in the classroom "Welcome to NJROTC," little did I know those words would change my life forever. The countless parades, competitions, and uniform inspections seemed to pile up rather quickly. I, so absorbed in the program that the outside looked to move much faster. I earned and stacked my ribbons, "6 and 1/4 of an inch from the top of the shoulder seam down to the bottom of the ribbon rack". It's uncanny how many times I repeated that to myself in the years to come. Next came the leadership; it was lazy, ineffective, disorganized, and disrespectful. My video games taught me better than that. So that's what I did, I became better than that. I looked at my Commanding Officers through the next years, and I made a list of what not to do; like showing up late, blaming others, unenthusiastic, rude, and condescending. While the notes I jotted down took their shape, seemingly repeating itself over three years, I soared through the ranks; my ribbons were stacked taller, my position higher; hanging from my chest were three medals shining brightly in the sun-filled room. Last but not least, my rank replaced by five gold bars, I did it. I became who I wanted to be, who I indeed was, a leader. The clapping and cheering still in my ears, the words of endearment still singing to me. The bubbly feeling and happiness in my chest. The joyful tears were clouding my vision. As soon as that day came, how quickly it went. My desk filled with paperwork, events, lists of cadets, meetings, phone numbers, it never ended; I was thrilled. I led my cadets past their toughest decisions, the darkest times, the worry and anxiety. I led them to the most significant moments, laughter, promotion, trophies. I listened with a mothers care when they were sad, a comforting hand to hold in the dark, I kept them safe in times of challenge when our lives were at the fate of someone else with a weapon of hate. Through my leadership, I experienced the good, the bad, the happiness, and sadness, the joy and fear, and the honor and failure that comes with leadership. I learned that I am human and that mistakes are inevitable. I made my path and took what those in the past have done and made it better. I learned to never run from change, to always push through the pain. I never settled for less; I made my mark, held my head up, and followed my heart. In the end, I made my legacy and instilled a renowned pride in the program I called home.

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