A nineteen year old girl stands perplexed as the room full of cousins burst into laughter. Everyone is laughing, except her. She does not know what they all are laughing at. Excitedly she asks her cousin sister, “What happened? What happened?” The perplexed look on her face only results in them laughing harder. Finally one of them blurts out, “Pijjaa ! Hahahha say it once again! Pijjaa !” Everyone bursts into another round of laughter, high-fiving each other and some even rolling down the floor holding their stomachs. She looks around in confusion. Until one of her cousin's mother enters the room to check on the commotion. “Mummy, she called Pizza ‘Pijjaa' !” She says pointing towards her, seeking approval. There is an inherent sense of superiority in the way she looks at her, expecting her mother to join her. The mother hushes her off, “shhhh, it's bad manners to make fun of anybody.” Unlike her, all her cousins studied in English medium school. She did not know THAT the Difference between Pizza and Pijjaa was not merely of pronunciation, but Much More Than That. That, in a world of Pizza, ‘Pijjaa' was unforgivable, Pijjaa brought shame. The two come from two totally different planets, and their worlds never intersect. That this world applauds Pizza & shuns Pijjaa. That in the World of Pizza, Pijjaa did not Belong. That in this World Pizza had the Power to decide how ‘Pijjaa' would be treated. She earned a new name that day, the official “Behenji” of the group. She hated it from her core, she wanted to feel belonged too. But somehow, her skills, ability, talent and intelligence all got eclipsed behind the cardinal mistake. She had to pay the cost of not knowing the difference between ‘z' and ‘j'. Several years later when she gives birth, she decides her daughter is not going to face the same humiliation that she had faced. That she will send her to an English medium School. That she grows up Belonging. So then, did her daughter really grow up with a sense of Belonging ?
In the vast expanse where stories begin, Amidst the chaos and the din, A journey unfolds, both daunting and grand, Of finding your way in this vast, sprawling land. There once was a soul, lost and adrift, In the labyrinth of life, caught in its drift. With eyes that mirrored the starlit sky, Yet within, a storm brewed, ready to defy. He wandered aimlessly, through streets unknown, His heart heavy, his spirit overthrown. In the heart of the city, where dreams take flight, He sought refuge from the endless night. Every step he took echoed a silent plea, To find his place, his sanctuary, to be free. But the city's noise drowned out his cry, As he gazed upon the endless sky. The stars above, distant and cold, Seemed to mock his struggles, untold. Yet amidst the chaos, a whisper faint, Guided him forward, through fear and constraint. Through bustling crowds and empty streets, He walked, his journey bittersweet. For every smile, every tear he shed, Led him closer to the path ahead. In the depths of despair, he found a spark, A glimmer of hope in the endless dark. With each dawn, a promise anew, That his dreams, his desires, would come true. But the road ahead was fraught with strife, Filled with trials that tested his very life. Yet he pressed on, his spirit unbroken, With faith as his guide, his words unspoken. Through storms that raged and winds that howled, He weathered the tempest, his resolve unbowed. For in the heart of adversity's snare, He found the strength to rise and dare. And so he journeyed, through valleys deep, Where shadows danced and secrets keep. He scaled the mountains, he crossed the seas, In search of a truth that would set him free. With every step, he grew stronger still, As he embraced the power of his own will. For in the crucible of pain and strife, He discovered the essence of his own life. Through laughter and tears, he learned to see, The beauty of his own humanity. For in the depths of his darkest night, He found the courage to embrace the light. And as he reached the end of his quest, He realized that he was truly blessed. For in finding his way in the big world, He had discovered the essence of his own unfurled. In the vast expanse where stories cease, He found his home, his lasting peace. For in the journey, he had come to find, That the truest home lies within, forever kind. The world may be vast, the journey long, But within us, we carry a song. A melody of hope, of love, of grace, Guiding us forward, to find our place. So when the night seems dark and cold, And the journey ahead seems bold, Remember the soul who dared to roam, And found his way, to a place called home. © Akhmedova Zakhro
I always believed it was easier to be a villain than a hero. “Everything is simple, you fight only for yourself, not for others like a hero”. But it was not as simple as I thought. When I was in school many years ago, everyone in my class was “villain”, including me. We all studied to get better grades ourselves. We didn't help each other, we didn't even explain if one of us didn't understand, except one girl. There was the most intelligent girl in our class. She was shy, quiet and a bit mysterious. Everyone used her to raise their grades. They pretended to be her friends. However, they were fake friends like birds which flies when winter comes. One day I also decided to use her. Not to raise my grade, but to lower other classmates' grades through the essays we wrote and gave to the teacher for checking. Teacher believed her and gave this essays her for checking instead. I pretened to help her like others did. At that time, I talked with her alone for the first time. To be honest, she was different than I knew. Cheerful, kind and most importantly, sincere. She talked about her interest in drawing and what kind of pictures she drew. At this time, I wanted to distract her and achieve my goal. I hesitated, though. I felt fear and distemper inside. In order to be evil, one should not be a coward, but on the contrary, one should be brave, cold and strong. But at the same time, it took courage and strength not to be evil. These were different things that were similar to each other. And I became stronger, not to be villain. On my opinion, being the villain in someone's life isn't as cool as we watched movies. When someone becomes evil, he or she does evil to himself or herself first.
Life is a canvas waiting for a unique brushstroke, a journey filled with twists, turns, and moments that define your resilience. Life is interesting. The person who was jumping in front of you and playing with you yesterday may not be around tomorrow. I didn't think about such things before, because I didn't want to, but life forces us to realize these concepts. On the ceaseless snowy day of December 18. 2023 our bustling preparation for my mother's birthday added an extra layer of anticipation to the atmosphere. We were all happy and having fun celebrating my mother's birthday with my family. Only my brother had not yet come and we were all eagerly waiting for my brother. Suddenly, the distressing news we received on that fateful day plunged us into a collective state of shock, transforming what was meant to be a joyous celebration into an unexpected period of mourning. I got a call from my brother's phone saying that my brother was brought to the hospital in a serious condition and there was a strong possibility of death. For me, that day was a massive blow and no comfort could ease it. Once a week before, this incident happened, my brother and I had a big fight. And even without knowing it, I looked at him and said:" It would be better if you were not in our lives, you were created only to harm us. I wish you would die sooner." Each utterance I directed towards him in a tone of reproach reverberated so loudly within the confines of my mind that I found myself grappling with the challenge of justifying and consoling my troubled conscience. Around 2 a.m. in the morning, my brother was taken to a major surgery. My parents and I begged God at night not to take my brother's life and return him to us. At that time, my mother's struggles weighed heavily on my heart. . All my mother's prayers to God were very touching, even my heart was broken. At that time, I truly came to believe in the profound difficulty of being a mother. Around 5a.m my brother left this world. Darkness enveloped my vision, leaving me uncertain about what steps to take or what the future holds. My mother's cry resounded so painfully throughout the hospital that no one didn't cry. My parents, even I couldn't say a word that day. I couldn't wish such intense pain, such profound loss, even upon my enemy. In the following days, I realized that simple tasks became arduous, and the weight of loss pressed heavily on my shoulders. Amid these dark times, I sought solace in memories of happy times spent with my brother. One day, I stumbled upon a box filled with mementos from our happiest days. Photographs are frozen in time, capturing smiles, silliness, and the essence of our unbreakable bond. Each picture told a story, a testament to the love and joy we shared. In solitude, I began to discover myself through these memories. I found strength in the love we had for each other and gradually the pain started to subside. While the ache of loss never completely faded, I learned to navigate the world without my brother physically by my side. I carried his spirit with me, finding comfort in the knowledge that the happy times we shared would forever be a part of me. After this incident, I made a conscious effort to treat everyone in my life with equal kindness, learning from my mistake with my brother. Recognizing the fragility of life, I began to invest more time in my family and express my love and appreciation more frequently. Discussing this matter and recalling the circumstances from that time is a challenging task for me. However, such is life. It presents us with numerous highs and lows and we should brace ourselves for each. In sharing this story, my sincere intention is for you to value your dear ones and express your love to them regularly, because, in the end, they might not be with you tomorrow.
The universe, an enigmatic expanse of cosmic wonders, has captivated human curiosity for centuries. As we gaze into the night sky, we are confronted with a tapestry of stars, galaxies, and celestial phenomena that defy comprehension. Among these cosmic wonders, black holes stand out as some of the most intriguing and mysterious entities in the cosmos. In this exploration, we embark on a journey through the vastness of the universe, delving into the mysteries of black holes and their profound impact on our understanding of space, time, and the nature of reality. The Cosmic Canvas: Universe's Splendid Tapestry The Celestial Ballet of Stars The universe, with its grandeur and complexity, is a canvas painted with the celestial ballet of stars. Billions of galaxies, each composed of billions of stars, adorn the cosmic tapestry. Their brilliance illuminates the cosmic darkness, creating a spectacle that has inspired poets, philosophers, and scientists throughout the ages. The dynamics of these galaxies, governed by the fundamental forces of the cosmos, orchestrate the symphony of the universe. Nebulae: Cosmic Nurseries In the vastness of space, nebulae emerge as cosmic nurseries where stars are born. These colossal clouds of gas and dust serve as the incubators of stellar life, where gravitational forces sculpt and mold the raw materials into luminous spheres that will burn for millions or even billions of years. Nebulae showcase the cosmic creativity at play, shaping the evolution of galaxies and influencing the destiny of the universe itself. Cosmic Expansion: The Unfolding Drama The universe is not static; it is a dynamic entity in a perpetual state of expansion. The concept of cosmic expansion, initially proposed by Edwin Hubble, revolutionized our understanding of the universe's evolution. As galaxies drift apart, the fabric of space-time stretches, revealing a narrative of cosmic proportions. This expansion is not only a testament to the universe's past but also a harbinger of its future, raising questions about the ultimate fate of our cosmic home. Black Holes: The Cosmic Enigmas The Gravitational Abyss Amidst the celestial splendors, black holes lurk as cosmic enigmas, challenging our fundamental understanding of space and time. These gravitational behemoths, born from the cataclysmic deaths of massive stars, possess an irresistible force that defies escape—the event horizon. Once an object crosses this boundary, it succumbs to the relentless pull of gravity, disappearing into the cosmic abyss. Singularity: The Heart of Darkness At the core of a black hole lies the singularity—a point of infinite density where the laws of physics break down. The singularity is shrouded in mystery, representing a realm where our current understanding of the universe reaches its limits. Concepts such as space and time lose their conventional meaning, giving rise to a cosmic conundrum that beckons scientists to unravel the secrets hidden within. Hawking Radiation: Quantum Whispers Stephen Hawking's groundbreaking work introduced the concept of Hawking radiation, challenging the traditional idea that black holes are insatiable devourers of matter and energy. This quantum phenomenon suggests that, contrary to their ominous reputation, black holes can emit radiation and gradually lose mass over time. Hawking radiation adds a layer of complexity to the black hole narrative, blending the classical and quantum realms in a cosmic dance of paradoxes. Bridging the Cosmic Scales Relativity: Einstein's Cosmic Symphony Albert Einstein's theory of relativity laid the foundation for our modern understanding of gravity and space-time. General relativity, in particular, provides a framework to comprehend the gravitational forces shaping the universe. The interplay between matter and space-time curvature elucidates the cosmic choreography, allowing us to decipher the intricate movements of celestial bodies and the subtle bending of light as it traverses the cosmic expanse. In our cosmic odyssey through the universe and the profound mysteries of black holes, we find ourselves at the crossroads of awe and understanding. The celestial tapestry, woven with the brilliance of stars, the grandeur of galaxies, and the enigma of black holes, beckons us to contemplate the intricate dance of cosmic forces that shape the cosmos.
Planting seeds of greatness, one by one, Some for nourishment, others for fun, The journey of growth has now begun. Watch and mirror the pro, she knows the way, Grasping the secrets of greatness each day. With a heart sincere and desire strong, Vow in the plow where dreams belong. In trusting and allowing, find peace profound, Navigate the path where hope is found. Expect greatness, nurture seeds with care, But know, before the breakthrough, adversity will be there. What choice will you make, what will you do? When challenges arise and skies aren't blue. Yet, because you've stood firm, your harvest draws near, Don't halt, press onward, your moment is here. Keep going, keep striving, don't dare to despair, For in perseverance, triumph is near. Press forward, prevail, your efforts are clear, In the soil of persistence, your greatness appears. © 2024, Stephene Klein Originally Pandemic Inspired © 2020, Stephene Klein
I was sitting in the cell-like room of my dormitory while everyone was celebrating the end of the induction week at my University. Since the event was happening just outside the yard of the dorm, I could hear the voices of happy and energetic students who had participated passionately in all the activities during that week. I was blaming and questioning my mind and soul for not going outside, getting involved, and enjoying student life instead of reading boring Computer Science books. I asked myself why I could not become the person who exposes myself to people, is extroverted, and enjoys the life she is experiencing. Yes, I was the person who buried myself in my world, only studying, desiring good grades, and aiming to become a professional. But seeing the outside world and my coursemates being very communicative, managing both study and extracurriculars, made me wonder if I was not using my full potential. Deep down, I knew that the solution was going outside, meeting my new coursemates, and forming friendships by exchanging ideas on how to start our academic journey. The difference between them and me was my frustration at that very moment. A stream of questions ran through my mind, and with some courage, I barely pushed myself after that incident. I began visiting small events and participating in national holidays held at different places, but I was still afraid to approach and be sociable in front of people. After the first midterms, I witnessed many students struggling to get good grades and master some subjects. Since I am good at math, I decided to mentor my peers. That is when my A+Club came to life. I started talking with my peers who were good at other subjects and invited them to share their knowledge with those struggling. I organized the days to teach each class, made announcement posts, reserved rooms after classes, and created sample question papers, managing my personal life simultaneously. Almost all students visited A+Club's mock exams, as my prepared questions closely resembled those of the professors. Most failing students in midterms succeeded in finals due to their hard work and the unconditional help from peers through A+Club's learning space. I have developed adaptability, problem-solving, and courage, realizing my full potential and correctly using it for the community around me. This realization led me to be a leader in two student clubs and an ambassador in three social organizations. Because I embody effective altruism. I am always ready to serve my community, helping each individual thrive by being a role model and a leader. Leadership and impact do not require a specific position or company; they start with beliefs and actions. When I see a societal problem, I do not just observe; I search for viable solutions, utilize my collective experience, learn new things, and put them into practice.
3 years ago, there was no sign of my current situation... I was in the 6th grade, and one day my mother told me that "Presidential schools are opening in all regions of Uzbekistan." But I didn't even pay attention to what my mother said, because after hearing her description of the school, I thought that for me it was a dream as far away as the Earth is from the Sun. I was only thinking of having fun with girls. As for my studies, I was good at mathematics because I studied at a specialized school, and I used to participate in Olympiads. But I didn't have a specific goal. I didn't even think a little bit about why I should study and what kind of profession I would get. I lived only for today and did not think about my future at all. Seeing my situation, my mum started to force me to study and taught me English, because she is an English teacher, and she took me to mathematics course. But I still didn't give up having fun, I had no desire to study at all. So I spent another year without studying... For the first time, "Presidential schools" were opened in a total of 4 regions. One day I saw a video on YouTube about the conditions there, and I really wanted to study there. I set a goal for myself and started studying for the first time. I looked around… I saw my peers already making their moves to get in there, and I started studying too, even though it was late. I completed the tasks given in the class on time, in fact, I can't say that I studied very hard. But I knew that my mother believed in me very much and wanted me to study there more than myself. So, 2 years have passed... As the days of the exams approached, my fear increased... All my relatives and friends were also waiting for my results, and I was even more excited when I thought about it. And that day came. My mother took me to the exam herself, and before going in, she said something that I still can't forget: "We believe in you, Durdona, you will definitely do it." Some kind of light came into me and I worked out the first round of exams. More than 1,000 students applied for admission to the school, and only 24 were selected. In the first round, 480 students were passed, and I was among them... I felt that the next exam would be stronger than this one. August 16, 2021. All the students, confident in their knowledge, came to the 2nd stage exams. This time also, my mother gave me motivation before entering the exam. Using all my knowledge, I solved the test, and when I came out, my mother asked "How was the exam?" and I said, "I will get more than 80 points". My mother used to say a lot that an educated people can predict how many points they will get if they take a test (by the way I got 81.1 out of 100). I was eagerly waiting for the announcement of the results. Finally, that day came. It was past 8 o'clock in the evening, and I was watching a video on YouTube, and I saw the message "results are out" on Telegram, and as soon as I saw it, my heart was filled with excitement and I began to tremble. My mother was also in front of me, but I went in without telling her and I saw that my ID was in the 3rd place😍... I didn't even realize how I shouted. At first, my mother was incredulous and asked again and again, "Is that really your ID?" and suddenly I started to cry, not tears of pain, but tears of happiness. I cried because I was happy to hear that I passed the exam that I had spent 2 years preparing for. After 2 months, I started studying at my new school. It was very difficult at first because my school was far from where I lived and I only went home once a week, which was very difficult for a little girl who had never been away from home. For the first time in my life, I spoke with foreign people. When I entered this school, I saw that there are many students who are stronger than me, and I realized that I should study harder. Before passing the exam, a lot of people believed in me, but now it seems to be 10 times more, because this school is different from other schools and there are only 14 of them in the whole Republic. What I learned from this experience in my life is that “nothing is impossible”, even if it is farther from you than the distance from the Earth to the Sun! Just believe that you can do it!
In a small mountain village, there lived a young girl named Lily. She was known for her kindness and her love for helping others. Lily spent her days tending to the sick and elderly, and her evenings teaching the village children how to read and write. One day, a terrible storm hit the village, causing a landslide that blocked the only road in and out. The villagers were cut off from the outside world, and supplies were running low. But Lily refused to give up hope. She rallied the villagers together and organized a plan to clear the road and find a way to bring in food and medicine. As the days passed, the villagers worked tirelessly, but progress was slow. Then, one morning, a group of travelers stumbled upon the village. They had been caught in the storm and had lost their way. They were exhausted and hungry, but Lily welcomed them with open arms. She offered them food and shelter, and in return, they offered to help the villagers clear the road. With the travelers' help, the road was cleared in no time, and supplies were brought in. The villagers rejoiced and celebrated, grateful for the strangers' kindness. As the travelers prepared to leave, they thanked Lily for her hospitality and told her that they had been searching for a village just like hers. They were part of a group of volunteers who traveled the world, helping those in need. They were so moved by Lily's selflessness and determination that they wanted to invite her to join them on their journey. Lily was overjoyed by the invitation, but she hesitated. She loved her village and the people in it, and she didn't want to leave them behind. However, the travelers assured her that she could still help others while traveling with them and that she could bring back new skills and knowledge to her village. After much thought, Lily decided to accept the offer, knowing that it was an opportunity to make an even bigger impact in the world. As she traveled with the volunteers, Lily met people from all walks of life, each with their struggles and hardships. She quickly became known for her compassion and her ability to bring hope to those in need. She learned new healing techniques and ways to improve the lives of others, and she shared these with the volunteers and the people she met along the way. Years passed, and Lily's reputation as a healer and a helper grew. She was known as the "Angel of the Mountains," and her name became synonymous with love and kindness. But despite all the good she was doing, Lily never forgot about her village and the people she had left behind. One day, she received a message from the travelers that her village was in trouble again. Another storm had hit, even worse than before, and the villagers were struggling to survive. Without hesitation, Lily and the volunteers rushed back to the village to help. When they arrived, they found the village in ruins. Homes were destroyed, and many of the villagers were injured and sick. But Lily didn't lose hope. She used all the skills and knowledge she had gained over the years to heal the villagers and rebuild their homes. The travelers pitched in, using their expertise to make the village even better. In the end, the village was stronger and more resilient than ever, and the villagers were filled with gratitude for Lily and the volunteers. They had been through so much, but they had come out of it with a newfound sense of community and love for one another. Lily had come full circle, realizing that her journey had not only helped others worldwide but also brought her back to the place she loved most. And as she looked out at the village, she knew that she would always be there to help and to bring hope to those in need.
Covid was a time of struggle for many, but it also brought people together. Whether it was finding a new hobby, or creating new friendships, there was a lot of good that came from it. I was one of those individuals who started a new path during lockdown. Like many kids, I was entered into a sport at the ripe age of four. Unlike other kids, I was not entered into soccer or gymnastics, I was entered into karate. Even though I despise the repetitiveness of sparring with people and memorizing routines, I was unaware I had the power to quit. I believed that I was stuck doing karate until I went to college in nine years. This all changed when Covid hit. Karate got switched to classes via Zoom, where instead of having a coach to teach you, you had to rely on watching others. Eventually, my parents realized how much I hated it. They agreed to let me stop doing online classes, and then return when they went back to in-person. Luckily for me, I found a better sport. I had just moved to a new school, one where I knew absolutely no one. I was not enjoying this new school because I didnt have friends. People were hesitant to talk to the new kids due to Covid. The only positive thing was, surprisingly, PE. Our first unit was swim and dive. I did not enjoy the swim part, but I loved the dive part. I enjoyed doing flips, jumping, and just having fun. To my advantage, I was not the only person who enjoyed it. A few other people in my grade decided to band together and ask the PE coach about her dive team. Before we knew it, we were all trying out our very first day of diving. Some of us loved it more than others, but I knew one thing for sure. Dive was going to be my new passion. Over the next few years, I started learning new diehard testing my major fear of heights. I loved the thrill I got when doing new dives, but also the joy I felt when I nailed one. Even with my history of ankle pain and injuries, I was still able to dive through it and enjoy every second of it. The only thing better than finding a sport I love is the friends I made. I've made countless connections with everyone on my team. Whether it's just that we are both scared of the same dive, or we hang out outside of practice, I love all of them. I do not think that me from before COVID would believe that I love going to practice and that I even look forward to it. I don't think that I who just started at a new school would believe that I made friends without having to intrude on someone else's friend group. All of these discoveries lead me to think that maybe everything happens for a reason. If not for covid, where would I be now? I probably wouldn't be diving, I probably would be suffering with a sport I hate.
“I'm looking for the thing that will fill the hole in my soul. I have everything— riches you will never comprehend. Men and women love me, the people want to be me, and I have endless companions. I can afford to adorn them with rare jewels and house them in my massive castle. I have a whole wing filled with wine older than my grandfather. I have a closet larger than town square. I have everything I want. “You have nothing compared to me. Your horse has one leg in the grave and my steed makes it look dead already. Your own home is crumbling and one day, it will crush you. The fireplace is more ash than flame and your carpet has withered. Your clothes are tattered, tarnished with the filth of a poor man's life. You survive, but I live. You will never understand my wondrous life. You clean up shattered pieces and try to save your life's wreckage but you will never be as close to this feeling as I am. But, how could you? You've been dealt a hand full of holes. You've lost. I truly pity you and these creaky floorboards and the crying ceiling and that moth banging on the windowsill.” The man goes to the window. Loving hands scoop the small creature and carry it to the door. He releases it and it flies to the sky. “It won't survive.” “Probably not.” “It wouldn't have lived much longer in here either.” “…“ “Why did you release it?” “Because that's where it wanted to finish life. In the sky, where it is free.” “I want to die embraced with warmth. The moth is a stupid creature, choosing cold over comfort.” “Why do you so strongly hate that which you cannot understand?” “I, well—,” “Do you want to feel complete? Think. Do you really have everything you want?” “What more could there be to gain?!” The man counts on his fingers. “Money, pleasure, friends, jewels— I have it all!” “Do you have love?” “Of course! I love tea.” The kettle is removed from the fireplace by the other man. He pours the boiling water into two cups, swirling crushed tea leaves. “I love my mother and father. I love my kingdom.” “Do you love yourself?” he asks while handing him a glass. “Of course…” The wealthy man pauses. “Well… What constitutes self-love?” “Self-love is not just treating yourself to your desires. It is to be confident, to seek validation from only yourself, to be virtuous, to know what you truly want.” “How will I know?” “First, realize the moth knows its wants better than you.” “Are you comparing your king to a moth?” “Second, realize you are just an animal serving its animalistic desires.” “Hey—“ “You need people to love you in order to love yourself. You lack the esteem to consider yourself lovable. You bring down others so you can rise up. You surround yourself in material value and gorge because you have no sense of reason. Your friends are slimy and they will leave you the second you cannot provide.” The man pauses his speech. He takes in the other man, glass in hand, eyes bent wide, brows furrowed. “You have to want to be good. Do good, spread good, follow your morals, be ethical. If you look deeper and inspect the waves of your mind, you will find completion.” The man drinks his last sip of tea. “I must leave.” He sets the cup down and the discarded tea leaves settle. “What will you do next?” He leans in to look and see the way the leaves have fallen. The man crosses floorboards worn from pacing feet. He takes a final look at shards lovingly collected and a carpet that has nourished. He grabs a copper handle that has worn away to gold, then opens the door. “I'll learn how to love.” He closes the door. In the stable, his horse has its head turned and resting on the back of the other. He gently wakes them. They exchange goodbyes and the man adds his fur coat to the blankets piling the aged horse, covering frost-tipped ears. They make it back to the main road. By now, the crowd has dispersed, and only the sound of wind and thumping gallops follow. The snow glistens from the rising sun, painting the man and his horse in orange and red. Something glows from the light on the horse's mane. He gingerly picks it up, delicate like glass. Its wings look shattered and broken, twitching as he cups it in his palm. “The moth died for what it wanted.” He leaves its body to rest in a bright place under the sun.
Beautiful tapestries woven with gold shimmer in the sunlight. Jewels sparkle with a million intricacies and purple flows along banners, finest of silk. Like rolling fields of golden hay, hills of treasure tumble to the floor. “A fine collection, your majesty.” “That diamond is lovely, your majesty!” “What will you do with it all, your majesty?” Asks the choir of envy. “It will complete me, of course,” the wealthy man replies. Countless women, as beautiful as Venus. They slide over each other, reaching out for the wealthy man. Countless men, as beautiful as Mars. They are adorned with diamonds and put on display. They are here for him, to serve him, “—To complete me, of course,” the wealthy man replies. A banquet table glitters with steaming pots of emerald kettles. Fancy leather chairs comfort his companions. They wear shoes he bought them, jewelry he purchased, even the clothes off their backs are from his wealth. “You all complete me too, of course.” The wealthy man smiles, but like a gap in his teeth, or childless mother, something is missing. Later that night the wealthy man lies alone in bed. “What am I missing?” he asks. “I have everything I want, everything I need— what else could possibly complete me?” He gets out of bed and stands next to the window. The glass is cold and he can see his breath from fog. He wipes the obscure away to overlook his kingdom. Hundreds of people, wandering his streets. Thousands more, tucked inside. They all have far, far less than him. Compared to his riches and wealth, their existence is nothing. They will never as close to completion as he is. Still, he grabs his red and white fur coat and stumbles into his boots. He rushes for the doorknob and glides down the stairs. Maids and butlers give him quizzical looks, but they don't understand. Tonight is the night he answers this question. His royal steed is woken by the weight of a saddle. He rides down snowy trails as knights shout his name and say he's gone mad. The horse trots into town. Turned up dirt is splattered over slush. Townspeople, his people, stare in awe as his coat flutters in the crisp wind. They eye his crown, the piece barely hanging onto his tousled hair. No guards, no armour, no sense of reason, and utterly defenceless. Filled with greed, the crowd inches closer. From the crowd, a man in rags pushes himself forwards. “Would you like to come inside for tea?” The poor man asks. “Will it complete me?” the wealthy man replies. “It will fill you for a moment.” “I've had enough of momentary bliss.” “Your horse is freezing.” “…” “I have a stable. Please, follow me.” The crowd lets them through and the wealthy man follows slow footsteps. He is lead into a dirtier part of the kingdom, where the buildings are squished and held together with chipped bricks and knotted wood. The “stable” is a tiny shack that is hardly big enough for the old, weathered horse already inside. The wealthy man dismounts and together the men shimmy the steed inside. The horses draw close together, sharing a tender embrace. The poor man tosses another blanket over them and the shivering slowly stops. “Let's get you some tea.” Inside he is greeted by a leaky ceiling. Dirt paints a carpet that has been eaten away by moths, leaving it hole-ridden and bleak. Shards of glass from a broken plate have been picked up and stacked on a rag, stained red from soft fingers. “Take a seat, I'll put the kettle on.” The wealthy man sits on a wooden chair and it creaks under his weight. It feels like a threat and another reason he's not supposed to be here. “What is this feeling you've been searching for?” The run-down house warms up as more wood is tossed into the fireplace. A dim orange glow lets him see the features of the poor man. He's smiling. Why is he smiling?
Covid-19 became such a catalyst in time for people and their lifestyles. It changed everyone for better and for worse. But there was definitely something we were able to benefit from, the ability to hear the silence and not have to worry about it being so quiet. Why it was so quiet or what we had to do to fix it, because it didn't need any fixing. I could walk into my room and exist in the silence, in such a pertinent time to the state of the world all I truly cared about was being able to feel peaceful. Being able to stare at the 4 walls around me and look to the ceiling and know there is nothing calling my name and no responsibilities I had but to just sit with myself. I didn't know what to do with myself, all this free time I had to myself being something I'd never imagined I'd ever have and don't think I will again. And not that that's bad, but I long to have that peace again. I never slept, but it worked in my favour, three years down the line I know what I want to do with my life. It never felt right staying stagnant in my room and my surroundings being the same. I would spend the late hours of the nights and early hours of the morning constantly moving and rearranging my room, the furniture would be turned sideways or shifted across the room for a new perspective. But the question still stands, what was I trying to achieve? Should my bed flush to the wall? Away from the wall? Would my dresser come off less demanding in the room if I placed it horizontally? I always found a way to change and analyse everything I changed and did. Then there was also the silence, of course there was never any actual silence, just the faint noises of my presence. The shuffling of my feet across the tile floor, the scraping of the furniture legs as it glided across the room. The television playing whatever movie I could think would make me feel serene. Some nights I'd come up with something to watch outrageously sad and end up just stopping what I was doing to sit on the floor and watch the saddest love stories, or other nights I'd be dancing along to Billy Elliot or even finding myself again and again in the characters on the screen. Every night was different, a different movie, a different layout and a different feeling. Usually spending the earlier hours of the morning filling the time doing something like editing a powerpoint between friends or clearing my closet or cutting my hair… again and again. In the impetuous days, it was funny how the nights became unhurried, steady and undemanding. Each day and night melting into one another, something that was such a cause for worry 3 years ago still feels so recent as yesterday. The busted little radio I spent days and nights trying to fix, the odd projects I would pick up thinking I had a hope of ever getting them to work again. Realising as the times passed all this fixing and rearranging was just a distraction from what I was really meant to be doing. This was the perfect time, the only time I may have had to do this, find myself. I tried everything, painting, cooking, baking, pottery, writing, everything you could dream of. But I was blind, I was always looking for some thing that would make me me, but that was the problem wasn't it? I tried to materialise my character, who I was trying to understand. Trying new things over and over again. But it all took me back to the quiet. That was who I was. That is who I am. I'm not a painter, or a cook, I'm the peace from dusk til dawn, or atleast that's what I feel when I am me. Sitting in my room, moving and changing, that's me. Unbothered, Uninterrupted, Unchanged but doing all those is what made me me. I was how I lived when at peace. How I functioned is this high anxiety time. Sitting and consuming the silence with movies of all genres and fixing everything around me. It was finding where I fit into my own life. And I have, going on to do what made me stop in my tracks from always trying to fix everything. I know I want to evoke the emotions in others that the movies did the me, I want to make people think, feel and cry. And I want them to fall in love and understand themselves just like I slowly but surely did.
Everyday you wake up to choose either a coffee or a coffin, I chose coffee that day, but my friend chose a coffin. Everyone was there, her mom's eyes were wet, everyone sat in a circle around her consoling her, and I watched. I felt hands on my face and it was her sister, her sister's eyes were not dry too, she thought my wouldn't be too, but they were. "Why aren't you crying?" She asked, and I stared at her not saying anything. It happened when I was twelve, my mom said there was something wrong with me when I watched my father die with nothing in sight but his legs dangling and his body soulless. The doctor diagnosed me with alexythymia, and my mom read that as me being a creep, she still thinks that till date, she still thinks that as I do not mourn my friend. My mom worked as a teacher at the school I attended, when she was asked about me, she simply said, "she'll get over it with time", I'm fifteen and I'm still the same, no one asked about it again. They saw it for themselves. It was a Wednesday, school for that day had ended and mom was busy so she asked to wait for her, then I saw it, I saw a boy being hit on the head, he was bleeding from the head, he was screaming and tears were streaming down his face, I went back in to my classroom and met a teacher, I told him what I saw, and he looked at me for a moment, then went on with his work. "Why didn't you say it a little more seriously" his nose was scrunched, his eyes were red, probably from the tears, but I stood there, watching everything unfold, people had now gathered, some speculating that the boy was soulless. "Leave my daughter alone please" my mom said something when the man kept screaming at me, he looked at me one last time, before getting on his knees to take the boy, mom then stared at me too, her eyes were red, everyone's eyes were, except I was not part of everyone. After the incident, mom decided I should change to another school, she suggested a boarding school, and I nodded when she suggested that. We set off the Tuesday of the following week to a neighbouring town, throughout the drive, she held my hand and looked through the windscreen, I took my hand a few times to either fix my dress or drink water, she did not say a word and I did not ask why. We reached the school at noon. "Your roommate will be joining you shortly" the man looked like someone approaching forty, he had lines on his forehead, his eyes weren't on me as he spoke, the papers on his desk kept him busy. I expected to see my roommate a week or two after the man told me that, but I didn't see her till after three months, she came in not like I did, her eyes were puffy and her hand had scars, "What's wrong with you?" I asked her, she didn't respond, she had a mirror facing her, she turned away from it, maybe she did not want to look at it, "Does anything seem wrong with me?" "Your eyes are all puffy and your skin is all scarred, you don't look right" "You're brutally honest" it almost came out like a whisper from her, I nodded when I met her eyes. She laid on her undone bed, and I saw her close her eyes, I did too. The next morning, I woke up and she was not there, I went on to my classes and saw her, she had the clothes from yesterday on, and her eyes were still like they were except a bit less swollen, "You're late" the teacher stopped teaching to face me, "I'm sorry" Mom had taught me phrases that she claimed would make me 'normal', she told me to use 'im sorry' more than the others and I did just that, when I did that often, her eyes didn't get teary every morning. The teacher went on with his lesson. ★★ "Wake up" I heard a voice faint as I tried to see though my eyelids. I opened them and it was her, she had changed from her previous clothes and her eyes were a little less puffy. "Classes are over" she said again and I nodded, she went out through the classroom door and I followed. Then suddenly I heard a loud thud. It was her. I looked around for a teacher but there was none. Then I heard her get up, she got up coughing as if choked by something, "Can't you help me up?" I saw her raise her hands right at me and I grabbed it and helped her up. "I heard you're sick too" she said and I found it very not related to the current situation, but I nodded. It rained and we stayed in the rain because she said so, we did that the day after and the week after. "School's over, see see you next... year?" I she said it like a question and walked out of the room with her suitcase as she waved at me, then I heard her slam the door right before I felt it, I touched my face to see if they were real and they were. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I did not stop them. I smiled.
As a teenage girl living in South Africa, my life has been significantly impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic. Born into a humble background, I reside with my parents, younger sister, and brother, with my father being the sole breadwinner after my mom lost her job due to the pandemic. The challenges brought on by the outbreak have affected me academically, emotionally, and mentally, forcing me to adapt to new circumstances and develop resilience amidst unprecedented difficulties. 2020: A Year of Turmoil In 2020, I was in grade 7, trying to find my footing in a new school. Just as I began to settle in, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, turning my world upside down. The loss of my parents' jobs compounded our financial struggles, leading to anxiety and uncertainty about our future. The school's kindness in providing grocery packages helped alleviate our immediate food concerns, but the mental toll was immense. The transition to online classes added to my distress. As a top student at my previous school, my slipping grades left me feeling like a failure. The pressure to live up to the expectations placed on me by my scholarship and my own high standards overwhelmed me, leading to bouts of depression and self-hate. When in-person schooling resumed, I found solace in the company of my classmates, and the support provided by the school helped me pass the year, albeit not with the results I had hoped for. 2021-2022: A Blur of Emotions The following years were marked by a rollercoaster of emotions. The lifting of COVID-19 protocols allowed for more social interactions, but I struggled with anxiety in large gatherings. Balancing my studies, personal life, and the challenges of the pandemic took a toll on my mental health. The disruptions caused by the pandemic led to curriculum cuts, affecting my learning and grades. Facing personal struggles, I withdrew and resorted to unhealthy coping mechanisms. While I found comfort in my group of friends, I was hesitant to open up about my problems, wanting to be the strong support system for them. I joined robotics and coding to find a healthy outlet, but the pressure to excel in these areas added to my stress. Despite achieving relatively good marks, I continued to feel unsatisfied and burdened by self-doubt, leading to a constant feeling of inadequacy. The pressure from school, home, my scholarship, and myself weighed heavily on my shoulders, often making me feel like a failure. 2023: The Journey Continues As I turned 16, life remained challenging, with financial struggles continuing to impact my family. Problems within my friend group added to the emotional strain, causing divides and reshaping our dynamics. Despite coming to terms with my grades, I still grappled with occasional disappointments in myself. Throughout this tumultuous journey, my dogs have become a source of comfort and strength. They, along with my family and true friends, keep me going and give me the will to face each day with renewed determination. Conclusion: A Path Forward The COVID-19 pandemic has profoundly affected my life, presenting numerous challenges and obstacles. As a 16-year-old girl from a humble background, I have been through emotional turmoil, academic pressure, and financial struggles. Despite the hardships, I have persevered, adapting to new circumstances and finding solace in my passions and loved ones. As the journey continues, I strive to embrace my imperfections and learn from my experiences. I acknowledge that my struggles, though personal, are valid, and I should not downplay my emotions. My resilience and determination will continue to guide me towards a brighter future, pursuing my interests in coding and robotics, and supporting my family through our difficulties. Though the COVID-19 pandemic has left lasting scars, it has also taught me valuable lessons about strength, compassion, and the power of resilience. As a 16-year-old girl in South Africa, I look forward to the day when our world heals from the pandemic's wounds, and together, we emerge stronger than ever before.