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I came into this world not knowing what it had in store for me. No one ever does. I didn't know I'd spend a good portion of my life growing up in an abusive home surrounded by anger and grief.
Despite having been abused sexually, emotionally, and physically abused I was able to become a stronger person. I don't need to see myself as a victim anymore, and neither do you. You can be the hero of your own story.
I love writing and reading. I draw inspiration for life from my beautiful daughter. I also look up to feminists who have stood up for me and defied those that do not see women as equals. I spend a lot of time working on myself and trying to help others.
Currently, I'm working on my Psychology degree in Industrial and Organizational Psychology with an emphasis on Life Coaching. I publish stories and books on the side with audio tracks. I live with my fiance and work towards saving up for a house and a big fancy wedding!
I have been in the Maceys Prom Runway show.
A couple months ago I started gathering research on whether or not people actually liked the jobs they were working. I only asked people in their 20s because I wanted to understand better if they actually were working their dream jobs yet, or not. My first research subject was a guy who worked at Subway. Did he like his job? Was it his dream job? The answer is no. He was only working their to pay for what he really wanted to do. And that was to work at a hospital. The second worker I asked was a young woman who worked for Wegmans. She didn't seemed thrilled at all to be working there. She did say her bosses were nice, but that's about it. I then asked another young woman at Wegmans. She was only working their to pay for collegee. I really think its kind of sad that your already over 20 and you still arent working where you want. So there you have it. Working for retail or food services as Sandwhich maker, or even a cashier are not dream jobs. Their not even career jobs. They are jobs you get to pay for the job you want. This is how our system is set up and it sucks. So prepaid your children or yourself if your not 20 yet to not have your dream job just yet.
That's me soaking up the sun on the runway. Dreams do come true. To think I went from being bullied in high school, GED graduate, online student because no one belived in me, or supported me, single mom who was homeless and jobless, to RUNWAY MODEL!!!!!!!!!! I lived by myself all alone. I had the help of one great woman Debra Walls for awhile there. She told me to believe in myslef. And I did. Even after I got pregnant and the scum bag told me to get an abortion just because he was too lazy and stupid to help I never gave up on my dreams. I relied on the goverment (we all know what thats like). I lived in a shelter. I brought my daughter home from the hospital and had to bring her up on my own. Joyfully I did. With the help of some amazing women Stephanie Sosnowski and Kelly Marsh Hidalgo. They helped me because my own family chose to be abusive and disloyal rather then change for if not my sake the sake of their granddaughter. I eventually moved next door to a small 2 bedroom and began working full time. I had to walk 10 plus miles back and forth to the goverments job trading program and Loves daycare because they refused me transport in the middle of August! Id show up sweaty and feeling just awful. Then when someone started stalking me I finally was allowed a van ride. The days were long and hard. But I stayed strong. I was pushed around from job to job and daycare to daycare (Target,Things Remebered, New York & Cpmpany, Bath & Body Works, to name a few). They fired me just because I had the struggle of being a single mom! Day cares were no different. Patty Cake Playhouse almost ended my daughter's life!!!!!!! And I was their employee! Because they payed people off their still in business. I had to quit and when Loves old day care The Morrison Lab School offered her old spot back and a job I couldn't refuse! Only to be told that they messed up my billing with the goverment AND no only that but due to not enough in their budget I was fired!!!! I had to quickly find a new day care and luckily I had just got hired at Dunkin Donuts (Little Brittain Rd, Newburgh, NY). This day care was perfect at first and so was my job. Then the new idiot district manger fucked the whole store up and put the dumbest birch alive as a new manager. She and her team of cunts bullied me to the point of no return. One cunt even threatend to destroy me!!! Her own words!! All I have to say is look at me now birch look at me now. 😊 I had no family support and the dumbest social worker in the world tell me to reconnect with my family. I did and they only abused me more. I lost my job because I called the manager a birch and eventually that whole store crumbled to floor without me. I lost my apartment though and had to live with my abusive family. I had to sleep on an old dirty mattress. I felt like a failure. I had a job though and muddled through life. Id buy toys for Love and spent all the money I earned on just spoiling her and eventually getting us beds because thats all,I could afford. Social services in Kingston was appaling they treated me like garbage. Orange county where I was before fucking billed me saying I had them money for my old apartment. I had to leave furniture, clothes, and,toys costing hundreds of dollars behind! And they still wanted my money! My family continued to be abusive,and it wasnt until I met the love of my life Daniel Collins that life turned around. He belived me and gave me courage to keep being strong. He supported me financially when hannaford in Kingston fired me for being sick! And my parents refused to watch Love and so did all my brothers and sisters and sister in-law too!!!! So finding another job was impossoblie! I wasnt able to afford daycare and the goverment and their retarded rules doesnt pay for daycare unless you already have a job catch 22 much? Like what the fuck. Always with a little help from taxes, and my school loans because I was also working on my masters in psychology at the time I was able to manage so source of income to take care of Love. I even payed to have my baby daddy personal served. He was living it up in his very own hous in Florida!!! Anyways he still show to court. Eventually I had to move in with Dan because my parents and my own little brother (not his fault because he has special needs)were threatening to end Loves life!! So I called cps on them and left. They went on a nice long vacation a month to be exact to California and escaped justice, while I was fighting to survive. Jobless, and technically homeless Dans very loving parents offered Love and me shelter. Dan received a loan from his father to help us move out here. We both work and we work hard. Social services has not been of much help. However, my dreams are coming true despite the odds. I always dreames of working in the Entertainment Industry since I was a little girl. My dream came true. Yours can too just belive in yourself. I support you. You can do it!
The Princess & The Guy She Thought Was A Prince When I was a little girl I thought the world of my dad. I thought he was the best. He told me I was a princess, and that one day I'd meet a prince. And I believed him. Then I was in middle school and going through puberty I fell in love with a boy named Robbie. I thought he was my prince, and we were going to be married and high school sweethearts. Then I found out what a cheater is. I didn't date him. I don't even think he knew I existed, but when I told my best friend Taylor that I had a crush on him she filled me on his character. She said he was her boyfriend once upon a time, and that he cheated on her by kissing another girl! I wanted to stop liking him right then and there. I wanted to be that strong female character that didn't need to be in love, or have a boyfriend to feel important. Later after much heartbreak, I'd become her, but at the time I still wanted to be Robbie's girlfriend. So the next year when we had classes together, and the year after when we were still in some of the same classes I swooned over him day and night. Eventually, by what seemed like a miracle we got each other's numbers. I stayed up late into the night texting him and proclaiming my love for him. He had a girlfriend though. He told me he wasn't going to break up with her. When I found out I stopped texting him for a while, but then we just started our romantic texting affair up again. To be so young and in love, it's hard to say no to desire and what could be. From the age 12-16, I spent endless nights describing to Robbi how our lives would be if we 're together. But he never told me he loved me, and he told me his mother would never let him be with someone like me. Then as fate would have it I was getting ready for a school dance at my hairdressers. She asked me what lucky guy was taking me and I said, nobody. She asked me if there was anyone on my mind that I might hope would ask me to dance. In the back of my head, the only name I could think of was, “Robbi.” I said his name out loud. His full name. It felt so good to be able to say his name since for so long I felt I had to keep my feelings secret. Taylor had already stopped talking to me by now because of my persistent pursuit to be with him. Everyone who knew about our seemingly secret of texting each other over the years told me not to pursue him. Even guys I thought were Robbie's friends told he wasn't worth it… Anyways, I told my hairdresser and she enlightened me on basically why he was never going to be the man I wanted. Why he was never going to proclaim his love for me. She told me the story of his mother and father. You see Robbie's parents were divorced. I knew this already, but I never knew why. Once upon a time Robbie's mother and father were school sweethearts. His mother wasn't the overweight women who said didn't want us together. Once she was skinny and one of the most sought after girls in the school. His father married her, and they had twins. Robbie and his sister Elena. Then they had his other sister. But then something awful happened. Robbie's father cheated on his mother! He then left her and never spent another moment with his children. At this moment something just clicked inside me. All the years of trying to get Robbie to love me, but him telling me his mother would never allow it. All the times he told me had a girlfriend. The times he sent me just looks, but never actually spoke to me in public. It all made sense. He was broken inside. His mother was broken inside too and projecting her fear onto him. And in return, he refused to believe in us. It all made sense. It wasn't the fateful answer sent from the universe and told through the voice of my hairdresser that I wanted to hear, but it was the one I needed to hear. I didn't try to pursue Robbie after that. Many years later we reconnected on Facebook and I still haven't told him why I think he never asked me to be his girlfriend. Instead, we just chatted about how far our lives have come. I have a daughter named Love and he's off being a drummer in bands and traveling the world. He's had a lot of chances to declare his love for me, but I don't think he ever was in love with me, to be honest, and I don't think he ever will be. I have someone in my life now he didn't waste one second and still doesn't telling me how much he loves me every single day. He loves my daughter, and he can't wait to be married to me. I know I was young then and so was Robbie, but if he hasn't figured out how great I am by now he never will. And for that reason alone I'm glad we never dated and were not fated for each other forever. I'm at peace knowing that I'm loved and respected every single day. I wish him the best and anyone who finds themselves temporarily attached to him. This story is for all women and young women out there who have loved and lost. For it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. The End
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